Schwarz Journals
by Ray-Chan
Summary: Weirdness and Shounen ai! Brad is making everyone in Schwarz keep a journal! Schu is sexy, Farf is insane, and Nagi is....Nagi. O,o
1. Day One

Predictability: it breeds comfort

This is just a weird little idea I got one day. The Schwarzy boys are all keeping journals of their thoughts! Some will surprise you. Some won't. Strangely though, it's intellectual in places and yet humorous at other parts. Enjoy! Mail me! raychan_4quatre@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: The characters of this story do not belong to me, but to their rightful creators.

WARNING: Um… a few shounen ai references. A look into the mind of Schwarz! Hold on tight!

Schwarz Journals

By Ray-Chan

__

Predictability: it breeds comfort. I prefer to have my days planned out weeks ahead of time without much change from season to season. Yet at least one element of the unexpected always seems to occur leaving me strained in the end.

After another bout with fighting between our ranks, I imposed the new rule that each member or Schwarz must keep a daily journal, thus allowing each man to express any angry thoughts or other without lashing out irrationally.

For me, this seems a positive solution to a problem that should be negligible in any other group, but seems to corrode our relations, friendly or otherwise. Therefore, I continue with my account of day one.

April 15, 2001

I woke up this morning to Schuldich licking my neck like a hungry animal. Though not a completely unpleasurable sensation, pre-breakfast sex was not scheduled into my daily plan so I shoved him off and ordered him to dress. I did waver slightly in the process, though. He must be making me soft.

Breakfast was uneventful as always apart from the pissed glares Schuldich kept throwing in my direction. After sorting paperwork for a few hours, I decided to make it up to him with a round of afternoon lovemaking. He seemed rather pleased with himself afterward, though I have not the faintest clue why. Maybe for breaking me out of routine.

Nagi left the apartment again without giving us word of his destination. Apparently he has been taking unexpected leave like this for over two weeks. Honestly, I had no idea. Missions and paperwork tend to interrupt one's train of thought over time. I just need a vacation.

Other events were standard and should not be mentioned. I have already collected the other Schwarz member's journals and will give my own assessments here after reading their comments for today.

~ * ~

Crawford closed his black leather notebook, pocketing it carefully before opening the first of three journals, all neatly stacked before him on the kitchen table.

~ * ~

__

Fuckbook:

Day 1

Grrrr…. Why do you insist on punishing me, Brad? "Keep a journal." What's the fucking purpose of *that*? …And if you say "builds stronger bonds" one more time, this journal will have a new shelving place up your ass.

You wanna know my day? Well, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT!!!

Farfarello ate my shampoo again. Damn it! I TELL him it's only strawberry *scented*, but he says it tastes like pocky. You wanna psychoanalyze someone? Go fuck with *his* mind. Freak.

Oh man… Remind me to buy some new pants. My ass looks fat in these jeans.

…Where was I? Oh yeah…

So then after Farfie *ate* my shampoo, I tried to sneak into Nagi's room to "borrow" his. He had his headphones on and didn't even notice me until I tried to read his e-mail over his shoulder. ::snicker:: Looks like little Nagi has a *girlfriend*!

Anyhoo, he got major pissed and royally threw me out of his room. Literally. I probably left a dent in the wall where I landed.

Hey! Maybe my ass is swollen and that's why my jeans look fat! AAAARGH! And it's my favorite body part, too!

….And I *know* it's your favorite Bradley-chan. Mmmm…. I'm touching myself right now. I wish you were here with me. Ohhh…. I need you so bad! Deep inside m-

~ * ~

Crawford read a few more lines then slammed Schuldich's journal closed. His breathing was slightly ragged and his face a little red.

// Damn you, Schuldich! You don't write PORN in these journals, baka! //

He quickly grabbed the next journal and began to read.

~ * ~

__

Entry 1

April 15, 2001

I've come to some conclusions about life:

#1.) The world is *not* a scary place, it only seems that way because scary people live in it.

#2.) People have different opinions of true happiness, therefore, happiness cannot be found since it never exists without each person's specific design in mind.

#3.) No matter how hard you try… fingers do *not* fit into electrical outlets unless you remove the outer panel first.

I don't see the point in keeping a journal. It's not like my thoughts matter to anyone beyond Schuldich and that's because he has no choice but to listen.

Oh yeah. Tell him to buy some more pocky shampoo.

You order our lives, Crawford. You know my day because you plan it perfectly in that stick-up-your-ass bastard style you pull off so well. I refuse to entertain you. Go fuck Schuldich if you're bored.

~~ Of darkness prevailing over light ~~

~~ We shed out wings, preferring night ~~

~~ Through screams of lives taken ~~

~~ And the wails of forsaken ~~

~~ We laugh at their hopeless plight ~~

There.

Now I have a date with a certain Weiss redhead and a nail gun. Ja.

~ * ~

Crawford stared down at the book and it's owner's surprisingly elegant handwriting.

// Farfarello writes *POETRY*?!?! //

Shaking his head to rid of the new (yet *disturbing*) information, he opened the last book and read.

~ * ~

__

April 15th

Does love really exist? I truly hope so. I want something to look forward to in life. I doubt that people like us are deserving of something as sacred as love.

Have you found it, Crawford? Do you and Schuldich share any feelings beyond mutual lust? He loves you, you know. He probably never tells you, but it's there. It's in his eyes.

When will you realize that affection isn't something you can just take for granted? You should take it when, and if, you ever get the chance.

….. I have to go now. Think about it sometime, Crawford.

~ * ~

Crawford placed Nagi's journal back on the table with the others. He closed his eyes for a few minutes before drawing out his own black leather journal once again from his pocket and flipping to a new page.

~ * ~

__

April 15, 2001

Journal of Brad Crawford

~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 1 * ~

Nagi is in love. I don't know when he found the time to establish feelings for another. It would be wise to further investigate for whom his emotions are swayed. Maybe Schuldich could be of use in the matter.

Farfarello… is actually intelligent. Frighteningly so. Although cynical, his mental concepts surpass most people with normal sanity levels. I must start keeping a watchful eye on him. He could prove far more dangerous and unpredictable than previously thought, even out of his delusional bouts with rage for a God he trusts exists.

Schuldich is a sex addict. He is too open with his emotions around others and must learn to control them. Maybe find him a hobby? Or a psychiatrist?

And me, Brad Crawford,

~ * ~

He paused, chewing thoughtfully on his pen before continuing.

~ * ~

__

I really should express my feelings for Schuldich more. Even if it is just in private. He deserves better.

~ * ~

Pocking his book, Crawford got up from his chair and stretched. Scooping up the journals from the table, he mounted the stairs to his room.

…There was a certain redheaded German who deserved some lovemaking tonight…

~ * ~ * ~ End Day 1 ~ * ~ * ~


	2. Day Two

Schwarz Journals

Written by popular request, here's Day 2 of "Schwarz Journals"!!! Thanky to everyone who provided feedback! SEE how fast it gets written if you peeps only mail me! raychan_4quatre@yahoo.com

WARNINGS: *more* HUMOR! *more* SADISTIC! *more* SAP!!! YAAAAAAY!!! 

Schwarz Journals (Day 2/?)

By Ray-Chan

Crawford sighed softly and felt aimlessly on the bedside table for his glasses. After finding them and shoving the frames onto his face, he turned the bedside lamp on low and took three journals from the drawer.

He glanced next to him at the peaceful redhead, angelically beautiful in his sleep. Schuldich was breathing softly, a thin navy blue sheet draped sensually low about his waist, and Crawford smiled at the sexually sated man as he opened the first journal to read.

~ * ~

__

Entry 2

April 16, 2001

Have you ever tasted blood, Crawford? The coppery drops of another's life flowing from their veins then over your hands in a warm rush? It's utterly intoxicating. To bend down and lick warm flesh while they gasp as life drifts away; it's unchallenged in its addictive qualities.

And what of this: how no two people taste exactly the same? It's not the quality of their blood, but the fear that leaks into it. Yes, I can taste their fear. And it's sweeter than candy or whatever pleasures you gain by fucking Schuldich good each night.

Does he bleed as you take him, Crawford? Can you savor it? Is he…..tasty?

So smooth and soft… He's so pretty, Crawford. But then you noticed that already or you wouldn't be screwing his brains out night after night.

What would it be like to taste him? Do you think he'd scream if I tried? Really, just a simple taste.

…. Oh here he is now.

Delicious. Just a taste……

~ * ~

Crawford looked down at the words as the wild scrawling stopped suddenly.

// I would have rather not known that. //

He picked up the next journal.

~ * ~

__

Fuckbook

Day 2

FARFARELLO BIT ME!!! What the FUCK!?!?!? I just walked into the kitchen and there he was, sitting cross-legged on the table grinning at me, and when I turned to make toast he fucking BIT me!!! What is he, a *vampire*?!?! Shit, that guy has *fangs*, I swear!

Grrr…. Okay, so *after* I shoved him to the floor and threatened to throw out his knives if he ever tried sucking on my neck again, I was about to get my toast, but that *psycho* grabbed onto my leg and started gnawing on my ankle! Che! That hurts like a BITCH!

I tried kicking at Farfie to get him to stop, but he just growled like something out of those Alien movies and pulled me down to the floor, too. By the time Nagi found us and mentally pulled the human piranha off my leg, Farf was mumbling something about "tastes like mango", then he just passed out.

….Or more specifically, I beat him with the kitchen fire extinguisher, but who's really keeping track?

THERE! See if you can top MY miserable day!

Fuck the world, I'm buying Farf a leash tomorrow.

See you in bed tonight! ^__~. JA!

~ * ~

Crawford shook his head and glanced over at the sleeping Schuldich, arching a slim eyebrow when he saw the fang marks on the redhead's throat.

// I didn't *think* I was the one who did that…. //

Shaking his head, he went for the last journal.

~ * ~

__

April 16th

Well, this is interesting. I was coming down for breakfast this morning and I found Schuldich wrestling with Farfarello on the floor, screaming something in German. I didn't know what it was, but I don't think it's G-rated.

Anyway, I think Farfie was cheating in the game and Schuldich didn't like it, so I pulled Farf off of him. Schuldich sprang at him like a cat trying to claw out Farfarello's good eye, but I threw him back into the wall.

They're children really. I turned to wipe up the bloody mess they had made on the floor, and Schuldich hit Farf with the fire extinguisher while I wasn't looking, then ran away screaming that he had been violated.

…That was enough excitement for me for one day. Then school was bad, too.

I already had a headache from all the mental strain this morning, but with Advil on an empty stomach (I never did get time for breakfast), I was tired and already angry at the world.

So I got a "D" on my Algebra test. Happy? It's not my fault. Why can't I just live in a normal house like every other fifteen year-old? Life bites.

Then after all that, I had to spend my lunch break cleaning out the c-

~ * ~

"…..Braaad? You're still awake?"

Feeling a warm touch drifting over his stomach, Crawford closed Nagi's journal and caught Schuldich's lips in a lengthy kiss. It was gentle. Probably because both men were already half asleep and a battle of tongues seemed a waste of good energy.

Schuldich crawled upwards, draping himself over Crawford's chest and resting a pale cheek on the older man's shoulder. Sleepy jade eyes closed, as the German licked sensually at Crawford's collarbone.

"Go to sleep, Schuldich," Crawford embraced him with one arm, the other reaching for his leather notebook and pen. Schuldich sighed, eyes still closed.

"Can we cuddle tonight?"

"…...Alright. Just give me a few minutes."

Feeling the other man smile into his skin, Crawford, opened his own journal and began.

~ * ~

_April 16, 2001_

Journal of Brad Crawford

As life becomes more complicated, I am regretful for the absence of regular missions. Without them, my fellow teammates become restless and Farfarello has apparently been applying his bloodlust towards other the Schwarz members.

My relations with Schuldich are improving dramatically. I still restrict my feelings for him, but the task seems harder every day. He's strikingly beautiful. …And a demon in bed. Still, I don't know when my feelings traveled from just my groin to my heart.

I'm confused, and I hate that. In any other case, I would just abandon him for my routine; for normality. But I can't let him go. Is it beyond a matter of possession? I can't be sure.

~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 2 * ~

Nagi seems more focused on the team today. I think that the childish antics of Schuldich and Farfarello sometime try his patience, but he learns to cope with it and won't back down from a problem. Honestly, he plays a significant role in maintaining my sanity.

Schuldich is bruised, but at least in one piece. Once again, anger management is the key. I suppose that in the case of today's run-in with Farfarello, aggressive action cannot be helped but I like to think that there are other ways to deal with their issues.

Farfarello. That man is an enigma; one I hope to never understand. His bloodlust obviously cannot be controlled, only channeled into more productive outlets. Stronger tranquilizers would be a prudent choice.

Myself… I've been stricken with confusion over matters where I feel without any real control. My teammates seem to be reacting the same as always considering the growing tension which comes from a lack of missions, and yet I find myself often taking walks just to clear my head.

Duty calls. I promised Schuldich some cuddling before he falls asleep and I can hear his breathing slowly grow lower. When did I become a man for cuddling? He's changed me, that much I'm sure of.

~ * ~

Sliding open the bedside drawer and slipping the journals inside, Crawford gathered the slender redhead into his arms and turned out the light.

~ * ~ * ~ End Day 2 ~ * ~ * ~


	3. Day Three

Schwarz Journals (Day 3/

Schwarz Journals (Day 3/?)

By Ray-Chan

~ * ~

__

April 17, 2001

Journal of Brad Crawford

Schuldich and I had a fight today. It was pointless really… but then, most of our fights are.

He did as I asked and pried through Nagi's mind while our youngest team member was not paying attention. Of course Schuldich could never be happy with just that, and he foolishly felt the need to gloat his newfound information. Apparently, Nagi is very sensitive on the topic of his love life. He actually threw Schuldich through a window.

I never did like hospitals. Too many old memories brought back to light.

After Schuldich's broken arm was set in plaster casting, he whined to me about what a "meanie head" Nagi is.

I told him it was his own fault.

What prompted me to say this, I'll never know. Sometimes it's hard to forget one's bastard past even when around a lover. I regret it truly and not just because I'm now sleeping on the couch with certain sexual needs unfulfilled.

He pretended to be angry when I said those hateful words, but I could see his eyes waver. He was crying inside. Damn. I really hate it when he does that. He's not fragile like glass, so why act so needy? I really don't understand him at all.

I'm not in the mood to do assessments tonight. When did work become such a burden to me?

~ * ~

Closing the black leather book and setting it on the floor, Crawford picked a random journal from the pile to read.

~ * ~ 

__

April 17, 2001

Can't you assholes ever stay the HELL out of my personal life?!?! Ex-CUSE me, but the last time I checked, who I'm dating didn't have any relevance to our missions and therefore is *PRIVATE* information!!!

Well, it's out now. Yes. I'm dating Ken Hidaka and I don't give a shit what you or Schuldich think about it!!! I'm *glad* he's hurt! He has no business sticking his slutty head into other people's minds where it doesn't belong!

Get him a leash, Crawford. Keep you little bitch out of other people's business.

Next time I'll break his neck instead of just his fucking arm!

~ * ~

Crawford shut the journal thoughtfully and leaned back into the couch cushions.

// When did life get so complicated? //

He opened the next book in the stack.

~ * ~

__

Fuckbook

Day Fucking 3

Fuck you, Brad Crawford! Fuck you family…. Fuck your job… (I'd say fuck your friends too, but you don't have any, now do you Brad "Fucking" Crawford?!?!?)

You don't have any fucking feeling for *anything*!!!! Tell me, we you *born* a fucking bastard, or did your mother smack it into you at birt--

~ * ~

Crawford shut out the other comments, shoving Schuldich's journal under the couch.

// Maybe Farfarello will be insightful today. //

~ * ~

__

Entry 3

April 17, 2001

Nurses sure do scream a lot. You would think they had never seen a dead man before.

I like hospitals, Crawford! They have something called a "morgue" with dead people in it, and you can slice and dice them all you want! The smell is a little nasty. I like Schuldich's pocky shampoo better.

Did you tell him to buy more? I'm hungry.

Heh heh… One of the doctors tried to stop me from playing with the bodies. I killed him. His blood was nice and thick. I hope it didn't ruin your carpeting. I put his body in the trunk of your car.--

~ * ~

// What the…. //

"FARFIE!!!!!!!! Grrrrrr….."

Crawford grabbed his leather journal.

~ * ~

__

~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 3 * ~

Nagi hates me.

Schuldich hates me.

Farfarello is going to die a bloody death when I find him.

~ * ~

Crawford threw the book down and ran outside to check his car's leather interior. It was already leaking red puddles.

"DAMN IT! FARFIE!!! COME HERE SO I CAN **KILL** YOU!!!!!"

~ * ~ * ~ End Day 3 ~ * ~ * ~


	4. Day Four

Schwarz Journals (Day 4/

Schwarz Journals (Day 4/?)

By Ray-Chan

~ * ~

__

April 18, 2001

Journal of Brad Crawford

I said it last night. I told Schuldich how I loved him. The words came so easily to me. I'm regretful that I hadn't spoken them sooner.

And what's more… I knew it wasn't a lie. I truly do love him. I can tell him that now.

He came to me late last night asking to talk. I wasn't in the mood and wanted to say 'no', but he looked too beautiful in just a pair of silk boxers and one of my button-down dress shirts. It was too big for him and hung off his shoulders, showing just the right amount of pale skin underneath.

I really do get edgy when I haven't taken him in over twenty-four hours.

I was surprised that we didn't argue but just talked for a good half-hour before the words came out of my mouth. He was shocked and thrilled, and a thousand other emotions crossed his face in that one second's time, each more beautiful than the last.

But he repeated the tender words to me as well and right then, I knew I never wanted to be with anyone else.

We stayed that way through the night, making love until dawn on the living room couch. Afterwards, I carried him to our room and just held him close to me until late afternoon.

For once I didn't care if I missed work. Let Takatori find someone else to cover for me. I'm happy and I don't care what the rest of the world thinks.

~ * ~

Smiling slightly, Crawford continued running his fingers through Schuldich's soft red hair as he picked up the first of three journals.

~ * ~

__

Entry 4

April 18

I'll never understand love. Not that I'd even *consider* it, but it would be a good concept to know.

With all the killing and hatred in this world, how can something so fragile exist? It's only an emotion. It has no physical basis beyond a kiss or an embrace, and yet those can be created with false pretenses in mind. How can people believe in something that can't listen or touch or kill?

And why do we keep getting new mailmen every week? Heh heh. This new guy is young and naïve. I had to break him in.

I call him Mr. Blue Pants since his pants are those weird tailored things the post office makes its employees wear.

I thought Mr. Blue Pants and I could play a game, so when he delivered the mail today I pretended I was a dog and chased after him while growling until he screamed and passed out.

I buried him in the yard, but I think he escaped because when I went back for him later, he was gone. It's a shame. He wasn't much fun at all.

~ * ~

Crawford shook his head though the smile remained.

// Farfarello really is crazy. //

"Mmm… What did he do this time?" Schuldich smiled up at his lover, linking their minds without a second thought.

// He tried to bite our mailman today. //

The redhead laughed.

// I never did buy that leash. //

"Go to sleep, Schuldich. You're tired." 

"Nein. I'm waiting up for you."

Brad arched his eyebrow suggestively.

"Any particular reason?"

Schuldich wrapped his legs about the older man and rubbed Crawford's thigh with his unbroken arm, purring.

"I'd like to be ravaged again tonight if you don't mind."

"Mmm… You're my priority tonight."

"Good." Schuldich kissed him, tongues mingling in an erotic dance. "Sex. Now."

"Mmph." Crawford forced himself to break away. "Journals first. Sex in ten minutes."

"I'm taking a quick shower then." Schuldich sat up, navy blue sheets bunching coyly at his waist. "Ten minutes. I'm timing you."

"I'm being timed."

Crawford watched the redhead carefully wrap his cast in plastic then close the bathroom door behind himself before taking out the next journal.

~ * ~

__

April 18

I guess sex *does* cure every problem. I don't know *what* you did to Schuldich in our living room last night, but he was in such a good mood today. He actually apologized for reading my thoughts. Can you believe it?

I didn't at first. I thought he was playing a mind game with me.

…I told him about Ken. Apparently Aya found out about us somehow. Probably spying.

Anyway, I don't know if he'll let me see Ken anymore. (Outside of missions at least.) I really hope that isn't the case. I miss him already. 

__

….And did you notice that we had a mailman stuck in our yard today? It took me 20 minutes to dig him out of the ground and right afterwards, he ran away screaming something about rabid dog-men. Weirdo.

~ * ~

// Oh, you have *no* idea, Nagi. //

Crawford chuckled and took up the last journal from the group.

~ * ~

__

Fuckbook

Day 4

Everything is right. My life seems whole. There're no other words for it. Just… complete.

When you told me how you loved me, I was just so…. I dunno. Something. But it was really *good*!

Even the sex was good. It was different. Just… soft. Have you noticed, Bradley-chan? We've changed so much in our lovemaking. It used to be fast and furious, sweaty skin to sweaty skin. Now…. It's slow. Meaningful. I love it.

I love you.

I'd write more, but why not just show you? We fit together so nicely. I love it when you appreciate my body like that. It makes me feel wonderful. Loved even.

I love you always.

……and I expect some more lovemaking tonight. There's a bottle of kiwi-scented body lotion in my bottom left-hand drawer. (Unless Farf ate that too….) Get it and come find me NOW!!!!

Waiting for ya, love! Come and get me!!! Ja ne!

~ * ~

Crawford grinned and flipped open his leather notebook.

~ * ~

__

~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 4 * ~

Farfarello is beginning to understand that such a thing as love can exist. He may not like it, but he accepts it without understanding it's necessity to human nature.

Nagi is having what may be his first relationship problems. While I do not approve of his current love interest, household events have been so chaotic for me lately that I have yet to voice any disapproval. However, I think it is good that he has opened up to the rest of us and no longer hides the truth. Because of this, I will not chide his choice and will allow him a chance to save his own relationship. I think it may be beyond repair, though.

Schuldich understands my affections now. He has become more adult-like as seen in his actions today with apologizing to Nagi. He continues to grow, and each day I am stricken more by his perfection.

Myself, I am growing beyond anything I could have imagined. My feelings for Schuldich teach me more patience and love for life every day. Maybe I don't understand it, but I wouldn't give him up for the world.

~ * ~

Tossing the journals carelessly to the floor, Crawford leaned over to Schuldich's side of the bed and opened the drawer, drawing out the bottle of kiwi lotion. It smelled good. …even better after he applied it to certain places on his redheaded lover's body.

Placing his glasses on the bedside table he walked into the bathroom, stripping off his shirt as he went. 

~ * ~ * ~ End Day 4 ~ * ~ * ~


	5. Day Five

Schwarz Journals (Day 5/

Schwarz Journals (Day 5/?)

By Ray-Chan

~ * ~

__

April 19, 2001

Journal of Brad Crawford

Today was rather quiet. Maybe everyone went out, but for once I had the apartment all to myself. It was fantastic.

I was able to catch up on progress reports for most of the day since a lack of missions leads to more paperwork. Schuldich has been occupying much of my time lately and I seem to keep falling behind.

I really need to learn how to say 'no' to him. He has us up to sex usually three times a day. I'm tired but it all seems worth it. He always seems to have more energy than is humanly needed. I should really look into what medication he's on.

I didn't see Nagi leave the apartment though, so I assume he has locked himself in his room again to wallow in misery. I hope a mission comes up soon. He needs something to occupy his mind.

Farfarello… I'm really not too sure about. Surely the amount of tranquilizers Takatori has him on should have killed him by now. His body's chemistry is remarkable in the way it breaks down the drugs.

~ * ~

Stretching, Crawford reclined back on the sofa and reached for the first journal of the day.

~ * ~

__

April 18,

Entry 5

I met someone today, Crawford. She's pretty and only has one eye just like me! I like her, and she likes me a lot, too.

We met at the zoo. I wore the leash Schuldich bought me and took myself for a walk to go play with the alligators, and then I saw her. She's so pretty. Her name's Keiko and she has pretty orange and black stripes. And only one eye. I said that, right?

We get along so nice. I sat with her all day today talking, and she listened too. She doesn't talk much. Just grunts a lot. But that's okay.

She likes raw meat. Hee hee. See? We already have lots in common! I got a parrot from the bird house and killed it and we had lunch together. She doesn't care that I'm messy.

I wanted to stay longer, but the zoo was closing and they locked her up for the night. Just like me. She knows how I feel. Schuldich likes to lock me up too, but I get out again. I always do. Heh heh heh.

…I'm going to go see Keiko tomorrow again. Maybe we'll have lunch. I'll kill something for her on the way. She likes raw meat. Me too.

Ja.

~ * ~

Crawford looked over to the couch where Farfarello sat chewing his knives and watching the Food Network.

"Farfie… You *do* realize that you're dating a tiger, right?"

"Her name's Keiko and she's pretty."

"Riiiiight." Crawford rolled his eyes and reached for another journal.

~ * ~

__

Fuckbook

Day 5

Che. Nagi really needs to loosen up. I found him today in his room crying over that soccer player again. Sorry Brad. The kid's driving me crazy.

So I got us some beers and we talked. Or more like he bitched, I listened. Look! I'm so sweet!

Anyhoo, that kid *really* must not drink a lot. He can't hold his liquor very well. We spent 30 minutes in his room talking and drinking and another two hours with me holding his bangs back while he puked in the bathroom sink.

Overall, it was entertaining, but not something I'd recommend you try. Don't worry. I'll work with him. He'll be drinking like a true alcoholic in no time!

Love ya, Bradley! I'll be waiting up for some wild sex tonight! (Maybe I can steal that leash from Farf. ….I bought some other "fun" things, too!)

^__~. Ja ne! XOXOXO

~ * ~

Crawford looked closer at the page.

// Is that….. lipstick marks? //

"...What the *hell* did Schuldich buy!?"

Obviously tonight would prove "entertaining".

Suppressing his smirk, Crawford took up Nagi's journal and began to read.

~ * ~

__

April 18

I hate Schuldich. I hate alcohol. I hate Schuldich *with* alcohol.

My head hurts even more now. It was probably that baka's plan. Get me so drunk that I can't think straight anymore.

Well, it worked. My head hurts. I'm going to bed now.

….Remind me to kill him in the morning.

~ * ~

Crawford shook his head. Glancing back over to Farfarello, he sighed.

A thin stream of drool was running from the Irishman's mouth as the Farf watched one of the Iron Chefs slice a duck.

// Scary. //

~ * ~

__

~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 5 * ~

Nagi is still depressed about his failed relationship. I can't say that I'm sorry about it. It was doomed when he chose a member of Weiss for solace.

Schuldich has become more caring towards others, especially Nagi, these past few days. He really tries to be helpful, but…sometimes his methods are not well thought out. His "habits" had completely slipped my mind for a time. Both his alcohol and smoking. I really should speak to him about quitting those.

Farfarello…. is dating a tiger. It surprised me that he has found affection for *anything*, but his choice in partner seems odd. Just as long as he doesn't try to bring it home with him.

And myself, I am finding that each member of Schwarz looks for something different in life. Farfarello is finding love, Nagi has lost love, and Schuldich and myself still manage affection (even beyond sex) somehow. I think it's strange, but I won't criticize the happiness of my teammates nor myself.

~ * ~

Closing his leather notebook, Crawford rose from the couch, giving Farfarello a faint nod before continuing to his room.

// Time to see just what Schuldich bought today… //

~ * ~ * ~ End Day 5 ~ * ~ * ~


	6. Day Six

SchwarzJournals_6

Schwarz Journals (Day 6/?)

By Ray-Chan

~ * ~

__

April 20, 2001

Journal of Brad Crawford

Farfarello is getting out of control.

Today I received a call from Tokyo Zoo asking me to pick up my "cousin" who had lost his mind and climbed down into the tiger pit. When Schuldich, Nagi and I arrived, zoo attendants were still trying to coax Farfarello out of the pit, but failing miserably. Many were bleeding from where he had clawed or even bitten them. I'll never understand that man.

After cursing fluently at him in quite a variety of languages, we managed to drag him from the tiger pen and sedate him enough to transport back home, all with shocked spectators watching the show. It will probably be on the news tonight. Damn it, Farfarello! If Weiss hears about this, I'm going to shove all his knives through the trash compactor and make him watch.

…And Schuldich. That man… After last night I don't know how either of us were able to walk this morning. Just *where* he got a Catholic schoolgirl uniform I'll never know, but it fit him nicely. You really never notice how wonderfully curved and slender his body is until he's straddling you in a tight blouse, thigh high plaid skirt and matching cropped sweater-jacket. I made him keep the whole outfit on, though the lace panties had to go.

He said we could do it again tonight, this time with handcuffs, and I think he bought a riding crop. I'd rather not know where he got it. He claims he has "connections".

When did I start writing down all my strange encounters with Schuldich? Maybe years from now I'll allow him to read this journal and we'll both laugh. …Or have wild sex.

I'm betting on the second option.

~ * ~

Crawford set down his leather notebook and glanced over to where Schuldich was pulling on knee-socks and winking at him, skirt trimmed messily at the hem much shorter than needed. …though it served their night activities quite well.

He tried to suppress a grin while reaching for the first journal.

~ * ~

__

Fuckbook

Day 6

Braaaaad. I *know* what your scheming little mind is thinking. ….And I don't like it.

I swear, Brad. You take away my cigarettes and alcohol, I take away your sex. And I mean it. You know I'm irresistible. Who do you think would crack first?

I know you're laughing right about now. *SHUT UP*!!! Okay, so I would probably lose it first. Still….Don't rub it in. What's wrong with a little smoke or drink now and then if it makes me feel good? Do you realize how freakin *hard* it would be to break my habit?!?!

I mean… I replace one addiction with another. You take away my alcohol, I smoke until I hack up a lung. Take away my cigarettes, I drink myself into oblivion.

Unless you wanna feed my other addiction, Bradley-chan? Mmm…. Sex is gooood. I don't drink when I'm having sex and I don't smoke either. (Okay, so a little drink before, and a quick smoke after helps, but that's beside the point.)

If you want to fuck me around-the-clock, I think I could be cured! Whenever I get a craving, I'll just tell you and you carry me off to our room to ravish me until I'm too tired to think about drinking or smoking. How ''bout that? You game, Bradley?

Kisses! Ja ne! ^__~.

~ * ~

"Schuldich, I can't just have sex with you twenty-four hours a day." Crawford looked at the younger man over the rims of his glasses.

"Mmm… But it was a fun idea, though. Ne, Bradley-chan?"

"…..Wait until we're on vacation. Then we'll see if you can be cured."

Schuldich dropped his brush mid-stroke, twin pigtails whipping about as he stared at Crawford.

"Are you seriously considering around-the-clock sex?!"

Crawford grinned and took up the next journal.

"You offered, so I'm holding you to your word."

"Brad! You are such a hentai little -"

~ * ~

__

April 20

Things are over with Ken. I see that and I think I can get past it. I'll miss him though. I just wish it could have lasted a little longer.

Actually, today I was watching t.v. and my favorite commercial came one (the one with the can of spray cheese and the cute soccer player) and it reminded me so much of Ken I just kinda lost it and…ah… Fine. I cried on the living room couch.

But… Farfarello was *nice* to me! That's what confuses me the most. He just got some juice for me and a knife for himself from the kitchen and we sat on the couch TALKING!

…Did you know he got dumped by a tiger? I didn't even know he was dating one. Oh, wait. That explains this morning's episode. Nevermind.

Anyway, he seemed kinda…I dunno. Not really sad, but not exactly nonchalant. I found myself actually trying to make him feel better instead of myself, which is a big change from the past few days. He's like a child, and it makes him seem so…. innocent to love, I guess.

Anyway, I gave him a hug before I locked him up tonight. He stared at me funny. Like he's never been hugged before! Maybe he hasn't. Do we really know anything about his past?

Maybe I'll teach him a few things about hugs. He seemed confused about what to do so he just stuck his arms out to the sides like an airplane while I hugged him around the waist. It's kinda funny actually. I thought so at least.

~ * ~

Crawford looked up again while exchanging journals. Schuldich was just slipping out of his boxers, the skimpy skirt failing to conceal much of anything as he kicked the unwanted garment away. He turned to Brad and batted his eyelashes.

"Braaaadley. Are you almost done reading? I wanna plaaaaay."

Crawford's smirk was feral as his eyes traced over the sexy, Catholic schoolgirl Schuldich.

"Put these on," he tossed the panties to the redhead, who just pouted at him.

"Why bother? They're going to come off again anyway."

"I like you in them. Besides, I want to take them off myself."

"But Braaaaa -"

"….I'll use my teeth."

Schuldich flopped to the bed and quickly set about tugging on the tiny cotton panties. Crawford chuckled and began the last journal.

~ * ~

__

Entry 6

April 20, 2001

Keiko doesn't like me. She didn't like it when I jumped down into her pen to see her today. She just growled and began to sniff one of the other tigers. I think it was her boyfriend, or husband, or lover tiger. I don't know. It sniffed her ass back though so I guess they were involved somehow.

Nagi was crying today. I found him on the couch crying over a cheese commercial. I don't know why. I like cheese. Maybe he doesn't, though.

I found some juice in the refrigerator for him and a knife for me. It was a pretty knife. Serrated. Just how I like them.

Nagi seemed sad though and he just sat there talking about that Weiss guy named Ken. It was boring. I stopped listening eventually and just thought about cheese cuz that commercial made me hungry. I should have looked for some cheese in the kitchen when I got his juice. Damn it.

But he touched me before locking me up tonight. It wasn't a bad touch. Just…. different. I don't think anybody's touched me like that in a long time. Maybe never. I can't remember it if someone has. He just grabbed my waist real quick and wouldn't let go. I thought he was searching me for weapons the way people at the airport do when you set off the metal detector so I spread my arms out.

He didn't take my knife. I'm glad. I'll need it later to hurt God.

~ * ~

"Cute."

Crawford stretched and set aside the last journal before retrieving his pen and leather notebook once more.

"Brad. Sex. Now." Schuldich suddenly landed in his lap, thighs residing on either side of Crawford's legs, and the short pleated skirt covered the older man's crotch as Schuldich began to grind himself down into Brad's lap.

Crawford bounced him from his lap, rolling the other man to lay beside him as he opened his own journal for final notes.

~ * ~

__

~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 6 * ~

Farfarello has forgotten his relationship with the tiger. Today, he found himself unused to the affection Nagi gave in a hug and that challenged him. It will be interesting to see his reaction should Nagi hug him again.

Nagi claims he is over his relationship with Ken Hidaka. Personally, I am not convinced of this, but if he can fool himself into believing it, then maybe it won't matter anyway. Should they be forced to meet in battle, old feelings may impede his offensive skills and this is the only matter which worries me.

Schuldich has rejected the idea of abandoning his smoking and drinking habits. Maybe I can bring up the issue a little later when he's more in the mood.

Myself, I can only pray to whatever higher power exists for a mission soon. Without it, my I think I can feel my sanity slipping away day by day.

~ * ~

"Mmph!"

Crawford's journal slipped to the floor carelessly as the American was forcefully pulled down by his little school…uh… "girl". Schuldich growled and it was only then that Brad realized that it was Schuldich's legs about him that had managed to pull him over the redhead's slender body.

…Schuldich's wrists seemed to be firmly handcuffed to the headboard. Crawford sweatdropped.

"Schu, how the *hell* did you manage that by yourself?"

"I'm flexible. Now shut up and fuck me."

Crawford grinned and began to look around for that riding crop.

~ * ~ * ~ End Day 6 ~ * ~ * ~


	7. Day Seven

SchwarzJournals_7

Schwarz Journals (Day 7/?)

By Ray-Chan

__

April 21, 2001

Journal of Brad Crawford

We fought again today. I give up. I loved Schuldich… I really did, and I *thought* he loved me back. Damn him! I hate it when I'm confused.

He came home at two o'clock this morning… wearing nothing but a grass skirt and about twenty different kinds of cologne (none of which he wears on a regular basis) and he smelled of alcohol and cheep cigarettes.

He stumbled drunkenly into our bed last night, pulling me atop him and moaning for me to take him. I could already taste the sex on his skin, and it sickened me. I wanted to shove Schuldich away from me. I wanted to throw him out of the room and lock the door.

…So why did I sleep with him? Why did I have sex with him over and over again? No. Not even that. It was rough and animal, even cruel.

I fucked him. Maybe raped him, too for all I know. Even through his drunken haze, when I went to take him for the third time, he squirmed below me, clutching weakly to my shoulders and back as he begged me to stop. But I still continued with him, taking pleasure from him body even after he passed out from exhaustion.

I was angry with Schuldich and he paid for it. Now I'm just as angry with myself for giving into him …for making him bleed …for having sex with his unconscious body. So many reasons.

I still hate him for being so promiscuous. It's not like my actions could have soiled his body any more than what he must have done with who knows how many men before me in the club that night.

…I haven't spoken to him since he passed out and I left the bedroom. It just hurt too much to look at his body since I spoiled it. Instead, I took a walk through mainstream Tokyo, hoping to clear my head a little and finally get some answers to all the questions running rampant through my mind.

By the time I returned, Schuldich had disappeared. He did leave his journal, though… I'm almost afraid to know.

~ * ~

Cautiously, he picked up Schuldich's journal.

~ * ~

_Fuckbook_

Day 7

……What happened last night, Brad? Now don't think I was too drunk to remember anything. I remember clubbing, but I came home to you afterwards. I love you, Brad. I wanted to spend the night in your arms.

Okay, so I was pretty fucking plastered. But… you were so rough with me. You're never that harsh, *especially* during sex. It hurt, Brad. God it hurt.

…You're angry with me. Yeah, sometimes it's good to be telepathic. You think I slept with someone else. Damn it Brad! How *could* you?!?! Don't you have *any* trust in me?!

You thought I was completely drunk last night, but I could still hear you thoughts. Those things you wanted to scream while driving into me…. "slut", "whore", bitch", "trash"… I heard them, Brad. I heard them, but you didn't even notice when I cried. Why do you think I begged you to stop? You didn't care that you were just using me.

…You didn't stop, did you? I don't think you did at least. That's *sick*, Brad. I was "unconscious*, and you still didn't stop. And then you left me to wake up in a tangle of sheets stained red with my own blood? Honestly, even I never thought someone could be so cruel.

But then I guess that's my problem. My life is yours. My soul, my body… all yours. Whenever (and however) you choose to want me is your decision. I gave up my rights when I told you I loved you.

I miss you, liebe. I miss you, and I want you back so badly it hurts. Whatever you choose, just remember:

I love you…

~ * ~

Crawford was struck speechless.

// Even after all I did to him last night, he still- //

"I said I loved you, and I meant forever, Brad."

He turned to see Schuldich leaning against the doorframe. Not in a casual or mocking stance… it looked as if he couldn't stand on his own, back angled slightly against the wood. Crawford's head dropped.

"….Schuldich…. I-I'm sorry."

"I know." Slender arms wrapped about Brad's shoulders and the older man leaned into the warm touch. Red hair brushed feather-like across his neck as the German curled up into Crawford's lap, tucking his head beneath the other man's chin and rubbing his cheek affectionately against his chest.

Crawford hugged the smaller man close.

"I love you, Schuldich. I-I would never want to hurt you. What…What I did was a mistake. I do believe you."

"Hmm?"

"That you didn't sleep with those men." He smiled and kissed Schuldich softly. "I'm happy with you just the way you are. …Are you happy?"

When Schuldich didn't reply, but just shifted slightly out of the embrace, Crawford looked to him with questioning eyes.

"Brad, ..um…" Schuldich averted his gaze. "Do you think we should spend a little time apart?"

"N-NANI?!?!"

"It's just…I dunno." Schuldich moved to stand, but strong arms held him in place on his lover's lap. He looked to Crawford with soft green eyes. "….Brad…. Maybe it will be good for us. You know… 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'. Shouldn't we just give it a try?"

Crawford's eyes slid shut in resignation just as his hold released on his slender redhead.

"I don't want you to go, Schuldich. Why can you just stay with me? I-I'm sorry for everything I've done. Just… please?"

Schuldich smiled slightly and leaned in to kiss the older man gently.

"I'm not saying 'goodbye', Brad. I just want some time to myself. Maybe you would like the same."

Slowly, he made his way to the door, but turned back at Brad's voice.

"You won't be sleeping in our room tonight, will you?"

"Nein. My room. My *old* room." He blew a kiss to his lover with a wink. "I'll be back between your sheets before you even begin to miss me."

…And he left Crawford with just his journals and a few tears.

~ * ~

__

April 21, 2001

Entry 7

Schuldich was crying today. You didn't see him though. He came into my room while I was reading Martha Stewart Living. It's good reading. You should try it.

Well, Schuldich just ran into my room and locked the door behind him, telling me to be quiet so you wouldn't hear him. I almost smacked him. That was my private time with Martha, and I don't like to share her with ANYONE.

He left eventually after he said you went out again. You must have done something baaaaaad to him. (….tell me everything later.)

..What else….

Oh, Nagi hugged me again today. I don't know why. I told him not to. It feels…. weird. Too warm.

When I told him to stop, he just looked at me funny. I said hugs are bad. God likes hugs. Hugs make God all warm and fuzzy inside.

So Nagi taught me how to REALLY hug! Nagi says that if you reach around and grab the other person's ass while hugging then God cries. Especially if the ass you grab belongs to another man. Heh heh heh. We made God cry today. I grabbed a lot of ass.

…But Nagi says grabbing your own ass doesn't count so I had to practice with him, too. Nagi says if we keep practicing we'll get *really* good and then God will cry a river. That'll be fun to see….

~ * ~

Crawford sighed softly.

// Farfarello just doesn't see it. Maybe Nagi will… //

~ * ~

April 21

__

…I think I'm falling in love again. It just seems to soon to know. I wish I understood things a little better. Life just keeps getting more and more complicated.

I taught Farfarello how to hug today. He didn't like it at first, but I changed the rules a little, so now he won't stop glomping me. ::snicker:: I find it kinda funny. The last man you'd ever expect to like hugging.

Oh, I kinda noticed you and Schuldich avoiding each other. Good luck with working things out.

Ja ne.

~ * ~

// Thank you, Nagi. //

Crawford reached for his own black leather journal with a sigh, skimming over his last entry with a frown.

~ * ~

__

~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 7 * ~

Nagi is in love with Farfarello I believe. I can't be sure really, but all the signs are there. Yet, I'm curious what Farfie will do when *he* finds out….

Farfarello doesn't seem to understand Nagi's attentions. He might just think of the boy as something like a playmate or a teacher, but nothing more. If he doesn't figure it out soon, I'm sure one of us will push him in the right direction.

Schuldich…. I love him dearly, and even though he knows that, he wants time apart. I don't know what to think. He doesn't act angry towards me for my actions last night, but he still does not seem to want a discussion of it.

Myself, I am sorry for the current situation with Schuldich, but I love him too much to say 'no' when he wants some time to himself.

~ * ~

Placing the journal beside him on the kitchen table, Crawford put his head down on folded arms to rest. Maybe he would have pleasant dreams: Schuldich would be his again and they would be happy together.

….But it would only be a dream….

~ * ~ * ~ End Day 7 ~ * ~ * ~


	8. Day Eight

SchwarzJournals_8

Schwarz Journals (Day 8/?)

By Ray-Chan

__

April 22, 2001

Journal of Brad Crawford

How do things always work out in the end? I'm not referring to our mission today, (yes, we finally were called in to assist Takatori in his meandering business endeavors), I'm talking about Schuldich. It seems that all I've done thus far is speak of him in my journal, so why stop now?

He returned to our room late last night. He said he had had enough time to himself and now he wanted to spend his life with me. …What can you say to something like that? All I could do was smile and ask him to stay with me then. Did I do it right? Relationships always did confuse me to no ends.

Anyway, he climbed into my lap (since I was sitting in a small armchair) and offered himself to me. I did want him, and I'm sure Schuldich could tell by the way my body reacted to him sitting so snugly on my groin.

It was infinitely strange though. I removed his clothes as he sat perched on my lap, and once he was bare and had cuddled soundly into my chest…. I brushed his hair.

Strange, yes, and I believe it surprised Schuldich as well when I asked him if he would mind me doing it. He didn't speak a word, just rose from my lap and retrieved a wooden handled brush (his favorite, I know) from a drawer and offered it to me before sitting back across my lap and tucking his head under my chin, cheek pressed firmly to my chest.

…His hair is like spun silk. I don't know how long I sat there with him naked in my lap, just brushing his hair out until it was soft and shined. If you bury your nose in it, you can smell faint traces of lemon and cinnamon. Maybe it's his shampoo, but whatever it is, I love it.

It was late (or early morning actually) when he began to fall asleep in my arms. Since I had long since brushed his hair thoroughly and it was softer and less tangled than I have ever seen it, I took him in my arms and carried him to our bed. He was sleepy, yes, but he did manage to remove my clothes as well and whisper for me to make love to him.

By the time we were satiated, it was dawn and both of us were too tired to do much more than sleep. I was so careful with him that time, though. Schuldich said he didn't mind me a little rough during sex, but that when I was so gentle with him and enjoyed his body with care, he loved it. He wasn't sore afterwards, so I must have done something right at least.

I'll remember to be gentle with him more often. He deserves to feel loved.

~ * ~

"Can I read, Bradley?"

Crawford looked up from his writing to meet curious jade eyes. Schuldich shifted closer on his stomach, not minding when the bed sheets slipped down past his buttocks leaving them bare. Smirking, Crawford handed his journal to the younger man, who looked quickly over the entry and frowned.

"It's in English, koi. You can't understand it."

The redhead pouted up at him.

"Why do we have to write in Japanese so you can understand it, but you don't have to?"

Crawford shrugged.

"I guess it occurred to me that one of you would try to read my journal. It's my own safety measure. Better than keeping it under lock and key."

"I guess." Schuldich slumped down on the mattress, crossing his arms and resting his cheek on them. "…I'm going to go learn English tomorrow so I can read it, then."

Brad chuckled and playfully squeezed Schu's bare butt cheeks.

"If you learn English, I'll let you read it."

"Mmm…..That's good."

"Hm? What is?"

"Your hand. Feels good."

"Oh." Crawford looked down to where his hand perched on pale cheeks and began to rub his palm gently over the tender flesh, dipping a few fingers to run in the crease between. "That good?"

"Mmmm hmmmmm….."

He smiled and continued his stroking with one hand as he opened the first journal with the other.

~ * ~

__

April 22

Well, I might as well say it since I'm not sure just how careful Farfarello is with his emotions when writing events in his journal.

I kissed him today. I don't know what came over me. I just walked into the kitchen and there he was cramming silverware and various food products down the garbage disposal. He's so childish sometimes, and I find it fascinating.

He wasn't putting any knives through, and when I asked why he just looked at me like I was stupid for not knowing the rules of his little game. He said that his knives had a "better purpose" which probably means he was maiming swans in the park again today.

Either way, I watched him for awhile, and once he cut a finger on one of his knives. He just sat there then, staring at it as the blood pooled into a single drop on the tip of his finger. He was definitely beyond surprised when I gripped his wrist firmly and took the finger into my mouth to clean the blood away.

Maybe I'm weird for licking his fingers, but he just stood there, staring at me the whole time with this strange expression on his face. Like he was confused almost.

Well, he was certainly surprised when I released his finger and leaned up to kiss him. He probably would have killed me if he hadn't tasted his own blood on my lips and decided he liked it.

I never pictured Farfie as a French kisser, but he must have learned it somewhere because he practically shoved his tongue down my throat lapping at whatever blood had stained the roof of my mouth. I swear, he practically ate me! You know the joy he shows when he's about to kill something during battle? Well, multiply that enthusiasm by twenty and apply it to a kiss. It was just…. Wow.

I'm probably scaring you with this by now. Anyway, he remembered yesterday's "lesson" in hugging, and he grabbed my ass, actually lifting me off the floor mid-kiss and dropping me down on the counter.

…..Then he just stopped suddenly and ignored me, choosing to shove a fork down the garbage disposal again instead. I mean, talk about hot and cold. That was just….weird.

Please ask Schuldich to explain this to me. I figure he was the one who taught Farf how to kiss like that in the first place. 

~ * ~

"Sch -"

"- Nein. It wasn't me."

Crawford looked down at the younger man. Schuldich was lounging with his eyes closed, purring contentedly in the back of his throat as Crawford's hand reflexively massaged the cheeks of his lower backside.

"Where do you think Farfarello learned to French kiss?"

"I dunno." Schuldich cracked an eye open and smirked. "His tiger ex-girlfriend? …ACK!"

He laughed wildly when Crawford dropped the journal and rolled him over, straddling his waist as he tickled Schuldich mercilessly.

"B-BRAAAAAD! YAMETE!!!!!" He screamed in laughter, frantically grabbing a pillow and using it to beat his boyfriend over the head until Crawford growled, pinning him completely and captured Schuldich's lips in a deep kiss. "Mmm…. Braaaad." Schuldich purred below him and began to trace a slight path up his lover's muscled arms. "Brad, can we finish where we left off last night?"

"Mmm…." Crawford kissed him again, tongue stroking at the German's teeth before he rolled off with a groan and grabbed another journal. "Give me a few minutes."

Schuldich smirked.

"Fine." He shifted his weight atop the older man, straddling his thighs and laying down upon Crawford's chest. "Wake me when you're ready to 'service' me."

"You make me sound like a gas station."

"Well fill me up then."

"Hentai."

"You know it."

~ * ~

__

April 22, 2001

Entry 8

Tell Nagi to stop bothering me. He keeps following me around all day, watching me. He thinks I don't see him, but I do. I wish he'd stop.

He clings like me like Schuldich does to you. It's like your relationship only without the arguments and the loud moaning all night. (Tell Schuldich he keeps me up at night. Can you try a gag or something? *anything*?!?!)

And Nagi kissed me today. I don't know why. I was in the kitchen having fun with the garbage disposal, and he just licked the blood off my fingers. Maybe Nagi likes the taste of blood, too. Heh heh. I'll show him all the fun things you can do with a knife. All the fun places to cut…

I decided I like the taste of blood in another person's mouth. Nagi tasted kinda good until the good coppery flavor wore off. Then it was just bland again and the kiss sucked so I stopped. He seemed air-deprived anyway.

Oh, Schuldich is no fun either. Tell him he doesn't play the hug game right. ….And tell him I'll keep grabbing his ass if he doesn't give me back my pants. My legs are cold.

Ja. 

~ * ~

Crawford looked down at the redhead contentedly purring where he lay nuzzling Brad's chest.

"Schuldich, do you have Farfarello's pants?"

"…. Maybe."

"He says give them back or he'll 'keep grabbing your ass'. "

"I threw them in the washer. They needed to be cleaned. I don't think Farfie ever washes his clothes. It's disgusting."

Crawford smirked.

"He also says you're too loud at night, and I should gag you."

"And I say no sex for a month if you try."

Crawford rolled his eyes and opened the last journal.

~ * ~

__

Fuckbook 

Day 8

Alright. So being on my own was more annoying than usual. You wanna know what made me come back to ya so soon, Bradley-chan?

Farfarello grabbed my ass today. I remember Nagi saying something about a "hug game" he taught Farf, but I didn't believe it until the psycho glomped me and squeezed my ass so hard it hurt.

…Well it hurt to begin with considering our previous night activities, Brad. Really….I like it better when you're not trying to pound me into the mattress. Just a *little* softer is good.

Hey! We should get a waterbed! Ever done it on a waterbed, Bradley? OH! Or in a pool?!? ::snicker:: We wouldn't have to clean up afterwards if we had a pool. Or a pool table? WOW! So many places to fuck, so little time! FUN!!!

Let's try something new. Surprise me, Brad! You pick the place, I bring the lube! Anywhere ya want! Be creative now, koi.

I can't wait!

XOXOXO 

~~ Schugy-Bear ~~

~ * ~

" 'Schugy-Bear' ?" Crawford looked down his glasses at the smaller man sprawled across him.

"Mmmph. I was on a caffeine high. So sue me."

"…..Did you really mean it?"

"Nani?"

"The waterbed? The pool table?"

Schuldich cracked one eye open and grinned mischievously at his older lover.

"I told ya, Brad. Anywhere you want it. ….Any *way* you want it. Just pick the spot."

"Careful. I just might hold you to that promise."

Schuldich began to nibble on Crawford's neck.

"I'm hoping you will."

~ * ~

__

~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 8 * ~

Schuldich is trying to make me kinky. I was never one for bondage or masochism before I met him, but my tastes seem to be changing more and more as he introduces me to a whole new world in sex toys and various articles of edible clothing. I don't know whether to be horrified or sadistically happy.

Farfarello is beginning to understand that Nagi's feelings are more than friendly. However, he does not seem interested in returning the boy's feelings. It should be interesting to see if Nagi can wear him down to some degree.

Nagi is in love with Farfarello. I do not understand how it happened, but I find it utterly….strange. Maybe he has seen the benefits of dating within his own group much as I have with Schuldich.

Myself, I don't understand how Schuldich keeps forgiving all the emotionless things I do, but he always seems to see beyond my bastard exterior. He claims I have a sweet person inside, but I say it only appears when he's in my arms at night. I really don't know what to think about anything anymore.

~ * ~

Crawford stacked the journals neatly on the bedside table and turned off the lamp, folding his arms lightly over Schuldich's bare back from where the redhead lay completely naked atop his chest. Crawford suddenly smirked and couldn't contain the slight snicker that escaped him.

"What's so funny?"

Crawford squeezed the other man closer.

"Oh, I just thought of the perfect place to take you up on your offer."

Schuldich looked at his smiling boyfriend and made a soft whimper.

"Braaaaaad. Where are you going to take me?"

"You'll definitely be surprised," Crawford promised, shutting his mind off to the telepath before Schuldich could read his thoughts. "Just remember to bring the lube… Lots of it……"

~ * ~ * ~ End Day 8 ~ * ~ * ~

MWAHAHA!!! Where is Crawford planning to take Schuldich? Find out in……. "SCHWARZ JOURNALS: DAY 9" !!!!!!!! (I'm broadcasting it now! Builds suspense, ne?)


	9. Day Nine

SchwarzJournals_9

Schwarz Journals (Day 9/?)

By Ray-Chan

__

April 23, 2001

Journal of Brad Crawford

I'm exhausted. Schuldich can be such a sex-addict when he wants to be.

…I finally took him up on his offer today. He really brings out the worst in me.

Earlier tonight I knocked out one of the guardsmen at the local opera house and stole his set of keys before tying him up and gagging him. Schuldich seemed a little confused when I invited him to the main concert hall and lead him backstage.

Still, he was joyously open to my suggestions. Obviously, even with all of his past sexual encounters, he has never had sex on the stage of an opera house. I'm sure our private "performance" is something the security cameras picked up, but at this point I really don't give a damn. Maybe I can return tomorrow to check for extra copies of the tape to surprise Schuldich.

He is already telling me that he wants to make an "encore performance".

~ * ~

Smirking slightly, Crawford set the journal down in front of him on the coffee table and took up his mug of spiced cider. Schuldich had a few culinary talents and hot drinks were one of them. The thick liquid was delicious.

Taking a sip, he opened the first journal to read.

~ * ~

__

April 23, 2001

Entry 9

…Nagi's freaking me out. Now, don't think that I've become soft like you have with your little German fuck-toy, but ….damn that boy is getting creepy.

Okay, so I'm just minding my business as usual today. Hurting God… I'll make God bleed just like me!!! Well, I started noticing Nagi staring at me. He turned away of course whenever I glared at him. I just kept cleaning my knives and watching him watch me.

Now *that* is freaky. I mean, since when has Nagi given two shits about what the hell I do?

….Is this about that kiss yesterday? Damn. Schuldich said I should talk to him about that. I said if he doesn't give me back my pants soon, I'm cutting up his body and scattering the pieces around the apartment where no one will ever find them. …Well, he said my pants were getting washed and I could go get them.

So here I am…. wearing wet pants and hating Schuldich and God at the same time. Hey, I'm multitasking. Deal with it. Wait. Add Nagi to that list, too.

****

*People To Kill*:

  1. God - (killed my family)

  2. Schuldich - (bitch, washed my pants)

  3. Takatori - (…he's just an ugly old bastard)

  4. Weiss - (sure, it's my job)

  5. Mr. Blue Pants - (never came back after I buried him in the yard)

  6. Nagi - (royally freaking me out)

  7. Tot's stuffed bunny - (c'mon, haven't you ever just wanted to rip its head off?)

Hmm…. You're not on the list yet, Crawford. Don't worry. I'm sure you'll do something over the next few days to make me want to kill you.

Ja.

~ * ~

Crawford shook his head sadly.

// Farfarello just doesn't understand. //

He glanced up at the clock ticking incessantly on the fireplace mantle. 11:30. Well, he could go join Schuldich in bed soon.

~ * ~

__

Fuckbook 

Day 9

God, I love you when you're bad Bradley koi! How did you EVER think up that little opera stage plan? Honestly, that was just *amazing*!!! I loved it. I felt like I was on stage showing the whole world that I belonged to only you and how you did my body so right. It was the most incredible thing I've ever felt. Thank you, Brad.

Kisses! (hoping for replay of tonight's performance in our bed tonight!)

~SchuSchu

~ * ~

// Maybe later, koi. //

Crawford felt himself growing weary. Quickly he opted to finish reading today's notes.

~ * ~

__

April 23

Remind me to thank Schuldich later for stealing Farf's pants! I followed him around today, and you know what? Farfarello has a *really* nice ass when you actually take the time to look at it. I mean *reaaallllly* look at it. …Although he seemed kinda pissed at me for staring at him in his boxers all day. I think Schuldich finally gave his pants back though. Pity. I was enjoying the view.

How did things work out for you and Schuldich, and yet I still don't understand a *thing* about Farfarello? Life's not fair. I *know* he has a sweet sensitive side hidden away somewhere. Maybe I should ask Schuldich how he ever found yours in the first place.

I'm trying to understand Farf. I really am. I even watched him self-mutilate today hoping to understand him. It didn't help. It made me sick. I really have to get him to stop hurting himself so much. I can't figure out why he does it. It must have something to do with his past. I just don't know what beyond some irrational hatred for God.

Anyway, maybe Schuldich can be enlightening in the matter. It scares me that he's been so nice to me lately. Maybe sex with you has put him in a better mood.

….Now that scares me, too.

~ * ~

Crawford placed the journals in a neat pile on the table, setting his now empty mug down beside it and reaching for his own leather journal once again.

Soft footsteps from the adjoined kitchen caught his attention and he looked over the couch backing to be met with a cool amber gaze.

"Farfie," he acknowledged politely.

The Irish psycho just cocked his head to the side slightly in greeting before continuing to the refrigerator.

Crawford sighed and opened his journal.

~ * ~

__

~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 9 * ~

Nagi is becoming more bold in admitting his feelings though still more to himself than to the rest of us. His desire to confide in Schuldich has me worried though as my lover has never been very good at keeping secrets for very long.

Schuldich still manages to surprise me in his different personalities. The Bastard. The Lover. The Innocent One. He plays so many roles that even now I'm not truly sure which is his real self. ….Maybe he has forgotten, too.

Farfarello, I believe, realizes Nagi's true intentions but is trying to shy away from the truth. Maybe he does not want to be loved. That is the most likely case since he probably associates love with a destructive God. Still, he should really admit the truth to himself if not to Nagi.

Myself, I think I can safely say that living in this house with so many nut cases is taking its toll. Sometimes I can't tell if it's I or them who is are in the wrong, and this frightens me. I think we all need a vacation from ourselves. …or a larger apartment.

~ * ~

"You psychoanalyzing us again?"

Crawford turned at the voice to see Farfarello sitting curled up in a nearby armchair with a glass of… something. He stared at the older man over the rim of his cup, watching Crawford as he stretched slightly, picked up some journals, and rose.

Leaving the room, Brad paused as if undecided and turned back to Farfarello who was still seated silently drinking his beverage.

"Does God like love, Farfie?"

"Yes." Farfie took another sip. "Your point being?"

"What if someone loved you?"

"I'd kill them and laugh on their bloody grave."

Crawford shivered but didn't offer another comment, instead turning back toward the stairs. Farfarello just sat there, staring after the man who asked too many questions.

….But his one good eye caught sight of a book placed neatly on the coffee table.

// Crawford forgot a journal? //

He stood and padded over to the couch to sit down. It was still warm from Brad's body and rather comforting. Reaching over, he retrieved the book and reclined on the couch with his juice to read:

~ * ~

__

April 23

Remind me to thank Schuldich..….

~ * ~ * ~ End Day 9 ~ * ~ * ~

Whoa ho ho! What now? You'll have to WAIT! …um…. You *do* know who's journal that is riiiiiight?!?! ….If not, re-read the chapter and *cough* eh heh. You'll understand. WAIT FOR MOOOORE!!! What will happen now? Weeelllll…. You'll see! ^__~.


	10. Day Ten

April 23, 2001

GAH!!! Gomen. This part is late in coming. After exams work began right away for me and I have noooooo time to write anymore! (*WAAAAH*) Ah well. Hope you peeps enjoy.

Disclaimer: Charas not mine.

WARNINGS: HUMOR. (inappropriate coupling of starfruit paste and sex. THANKS SL!)

Feedback? : YES! NOW!!!!! *cackles and jumps off a building*

Schwarz Journals (Day 10/?)

__

April 24, 2001

Journal of Brad Crawford

I love Schuldich and I would do anything for him, but sometimes I just have to draw the line. Like when it comes to his cooking. Don't get me wrong, he *can* cook, but only if the final product involves alcohol in some way. Otherwise, I can rarely identify what it is that he feeds me. I still eat it though….then head up to our room and purge for an hour or so. He's still never noticed even if he says I'm getting skinny. I say it's an optical illusion.

Anyway, I was calmly reading my paper, drinking my morning coffee and eating my cereal this morning when Schuldich grabbed the bowl mid-bite and shoved a plate of blackened *something* in front of me.

I would have said something if he had not run away then crying about burnt eggs and CPR. He's still locked in our bedroom sobbing. Maybe I'll go check on him later.

….once I figure out what to do with this…whatever he cooked me.

~ * ~

Crawford leaned back in his chair, lifting the two front feet casually off the ground to tip back more comfortably in fitting his tall frame. Schuldich wasn't here to mother him about the bad habit or warn him about falling, so why the hell not?

He shoved the disgusting plate of…something…away from him and picked up the first journal.

~ * ~

__

April 24

Tell Schuldich I'm sorry. I know Farf is, too. But I mean…what the hell was I supposed to do? The poor guy just *tried* Schuldich's eggs to make him happy. If I hadn't given him CPR right afterwards, I'm sure Farf wouldn't have made it!

Schuldich should put warning signs around his cooking endeavors.

….Oh hell, thank him for me. Farfie's been avoiding me all morning for some reason, and it wasn't until the little eggs episode that I was actually able to get close to him…..let alone give him open mouth to mouth CPR.

It would have helped though if he had stayed conscious through the whole thing.

And then the whole bedroom episode with the flying pillows and the panting and the knives and the screaming and…..um… I'll just let Farf tell you about that. Just don't blame me for it. Everything is not *my* fault!!!

Uh….

Ja.

~ * ~

A slender eyebrow arched, and Brad quickly placed Nagi's journal down for space to thumb through the said Irishman's to today's entry.

~ * ~

__

April 24, 2001

Entry 10

Tell Nagi that I went online today to check. That stuff he did to me with his tongue is illegal in sixty-four countries.

Who the hell asked him to give me CPR in the first place?! Can't I just die in *peace*?! …Actually that's a pretty pathetic way to go, ne?

"RIP: 4/24/01 -Choked on nasty-ass egg product…"

Nah. That wouldn't make God cry. He'd probably go laugh at me. Fucking bastard. I want to see HIM try Schuldich's eggs and see if he lives!

Ah, and then I woke up a little later, and he was there hovering over me (Nagi, not God) and I asked him why he was in my room…but it wasn't my room. It was Nagi's room.

And he just…looked at me. I mean *REALLY* looked at me. Kinda like he was hungry and I was the main course at some fucking five star restaurant. (You scared yet?)

Then the little bitch wouldn't let me leave. He just held me there with that stupid mind power of his and tried to push my shirt off and kiss me…and I *do* mean all over. That kid's got a one-track mind. I wanted to pull a knife on him, but we just wound up throwing pillows at each other's head until I got a good shot and knocked him down long enough to escape that little perv's room.

Oh, and you *are* one conniving little bastard yourself, Crawford. Yeah….leaving Nagi's journal out for me to read. You're just like me really. Sick and twisted and sadistic….

…..Heeeey, Crawford-chan? Ever had sex using leather whips and starfruit paste? …I already got the leather ….but the starfruit…..hmm…. Maybe if we just-

_~ * ~_

Crawford abruptly slammed the journal closed…..before tumbling backwards out of his chair.

"SHIT!!!!!!!"

Now collapsed in a bruised pile on the floor, one hand rose up to sprawl blindly out of sight on the table for the last journal. Once finding it, Crawford resigned to just lay back on the kitchen tile (hey, it was clean anyway) and read while attempting to block out the pain screaming in his abused joints.

~ * ~

__

Fuckbook

Day 10

If you get this Bradley-chan, consider yourself lucky that I'm not screaming at you now for just picking it up outside our bedroom door and not even bothering to talk to me.

….Is my cooking really all that bad? I mean..dammit. I didn't exactly say Farf *had* to eat my eggs! They were for *you* Brad! Made with love and all that good stuff. That's probably why Farf choked. God's sending him a message.

" **DON'T EAT SCHU'S LOVE EGGS!!!!!!!** "

Grr….I'm glad he choked. Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll cough up a lung later. Maybe Nagi will too, the little bitch. How is *this* the thanks I get for giving him sex advice?!?!

I'm going to bed, Brad. No sex tonight. I'm not in the mood. (Yeah, don't laugh at me.)

Well, I hope you enjoyed your eggs, liebe.

~~SchuSchu ^.~

~ * ~

"Oh, immensely." Crawford rolled his eyes as he simply dumped the plate of uneaten food into the trash.

Grabbing his own journal up in the other hand, he opened to a fresh page.

~ * ~

~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 10 * ~

Schuldich is sensitive about his shortcomings. He never did take criticism well no matter what form it came in. ….Maybe I'll go offer some cuddling later. That always manages to put him in the mood for sex.

Farfarello is scaring me. I….I don't know what to make of his journal entry for today. Hopefully it's just another casual phase for him. Flattering as it may be (and it's really not at all) it would *not* be a good thing if he was hitting on me….especially if Schuldich found out….

Nagi is losing patience with Farfarello. Being the quiet one in our group, he is the *last* one I would ever expect to try force against a comrade. Then again, love makes people do strange things. I already learned that.

Myself….I'm praying Schuldich just might stop cooking for us. At least for a while. It would be nice to be able to have leftover takeout or something remotely edible of that nature. And with Farfarello…I don't know what to think. I can only wait and hope he forgets about this strange sexual "connection" he has made between himself and I.

~ * ~

"Oh, Craaaawwforrrrd."

The American shivered uncomfortably and turned. His nosebleed came unbidden.

There Farfarello stood shirtless with nothing on save a pair of black leather chaps with matching braided wrist cuffs. Well, the studded dog collar and the riding whip don't really count now, do they? He grinned and held up a supermarket produce bag.

"Lunch, Crawford-chaaan. Mm…starfruit. Just for you…"

…. somewhere upstairs Nagi lay on his bed calmly reading a book and listening to Crawford's girlish screams and the sadistic laughter of an overzealous whip wielder applying his trade.

~ * ~ * ~ End Day 10 ~ * ~ * ~

Eh heh. Don't ask. I need help. …..and LEATHER! *puts on cowboy hat and cracks whip* Come here SL-chan!!! YEEE HAW!!!!!

SL: O,o;;;; Um…help?

RC: MWAHAHA! More fun Schwarzy days to come! *snapping whip at Weiss* C'mon bishounies! Let's see you DANCE!!!! *cackles*

Weiss: AAAIEEEEE!!!!!!


	11. Day Eleven

Damn it. I have WAAAY too much school work. No time to write. Gomen peeps. I'm trying my best.  
  
Disclaimer: Charas not mine.  
  
WARNING: HUMOR ...aggressive Nagi?  
  
  
Schwarz Journals  
(Day 11/?)  
By Ray-Chan  
  
  
  
April 25, 2001  
Journal of Brad Crawford  
  
I just can't stand it.  
  
No mission today. AGAIN. Maybe that's for the best though. I spent most of my morning alternating between avoiding Farfarello's sexual advances, Nagi's murderous glares, and Schuldich's whines that I no longer love him. ....I hate my life.  
  
Farfarello seems persistent. I tried telling him that I wasn't interested, but he only chose that time to pin me to the couch. It was just my luck that Nagi walked in right then, saw us, and mentally rolled all the furniture over in a fit of rage sending us to the floor.  
  
Now Schuldich trusts me even less for catching me "making out with Farfie". Honestly, the very idea sickens me. I live with a bunch of psychopaths intent on pissing me off apparently.  
  
.....I think I just heard something break downstairs. If those idiots destroy my house, I swear I'll kill every last one of them.  
  
~ * ~  
  
Crawford reviewed his earlier entry with as sigh.  
  
That was nearly six hours ago. Currently, he was basking in the afterglow of wild monkey sex while his redhead lover slept exhausted on the sheets beside him.  
  
Ah, the way everything just seems to come together. Schuldich got his Crawford, Crawford got his sex, and Nagi.....  
  
He picked up the journal:  
  
~ * ~  
  
April 25  
  
You lose, bitch! Farfie is MINE, damn it. I made sure of that today.  
  
Okay, so after I heard glass breaking and found Schuldich screaming and rolling around with Farf on the living room floor I snapped. How was I supposed to know they were catfighting? And DAMN does Schuldich have nails! I think he was trying to scratch out Farfie's good eye.  
  
Anyway, I broke them up: threw Schuldich over the couch and Farf into the nearest wall. I didn't hurt them! Honest! And THEY broke your Chinese pattern lamp, not me. (I think Schul threw it. Blame him.)  
  
Ah, but after you came and carried Schuldich away, I got my prize. *Grin* You can fuck Schu all you want, but you don't TOUCH my Farf.  
  
~ * ~  
  
Crawford stared down at the entry faintly amused.  
  
// Poor Farfarello. He doesn't know what he's gotten himself into. //  
  
// Mmph. Poor me. My ass is going to be sore for a week. //  
  
He turned to watch the telepath sprawled languidly beside him, green eyes still shut from the exhaustive sex they had just shared. Brad grinned.  
"I thought you always said make-up sex was the best kind."  
  
"Not with you. You fuck like a freight train."  
  
He playfully pinched Schuldich's rump eliciting a surprised squeak from the younger man.  
  
"You know you like it, Schul."  
  
"......That's beside the point."  
  
"I'll let you be top the next time, then."  
  
Schuldich's face lit up.  
"Really?!"  
  
"No. Now go back to sleep."  
  
"Fuck you, Brad."  
  
"No, fuck you after you wake up."  
  
Pouting, the redhead rolled back over onto his side and drifted off again. After all, he knew Brad meant it. And considering the way they had just gone at it like caged bunnies on Viagra, he should probably rest up for the next round.  
  
Crawford watched his lover's breathing slow with sleep before opening the next journal.  
  
~ * ~  
  
Fuckbook  
Day 11  
  
I swear Brad, if you're leaving me for Farfarello I'll kill every last person in Tokyo and chain you under the wheels of my car.  
  
....You are NOT dumping me. I won't let you. I don't care what you think, you're my boyfriend and I refuse to share with Farfarello. Nagi maybe, but not Farf. That's just wrong.  
  
I mean...if you WANTED to be uke, all you had to do was ask.  
  
.......I've got something special planned now, Bradley-chan. Just you wait. I think you'll be pleasantly....surprised.  
  
^o^  
Ja ne, love!  
--SchuSchu  
  
~ * ~  
  
Crawford blanched.  
"I don't want to be uke, Schu."  
  
The German grinned, clamping his palms tight over his ears so to block out his lover's protest.  
"Can't hear you! Sleeping!"  
  
// Don't you dare... //  
  
"Sleeeeeping!"  
  
"......."  
  
~ * ~  
  
April 25, 2001  
Entry 11  
  
....Nagi fucked me. He actually fucked me. I never would have thought that kid was the seme type, but...well...I guess it always is the quiet, innocent ones. You never believe they're capable of it til you're flat on your back and taking it hard up the ass. That kid fucks like a demon. Heh. Bet that hurt God.  
  
After my little fight with Schuldich over your pasty ass, Nagi kinda threw me into a wall and by the time I woke up, you and Schuldich were gone...but Nagi was hovering over me in a leather body suit. Talk about unexpected events.  
  
He just cackled (literally cackled) something about how he can be sadistic too, and then mentally dragged me into his room.  
  
Do you know how CRAZY that kid is?! Where did he get a whip anyway?  
  
Ah, shit. He's looking at me with those "need sex" eyes again. ....I know I don't feel pain, but the way he acts in bed is psychotic.  
  
Damn it. I'm going to be sore tomorrow...  
  
~ * ~  
  
Crawford stared at that entry before shaking his head in mild disgust.  
// If they start writing down what they do in bed, I'm going to go completely insane. //  
  
// Why? I do it all the time. //  
  
He eyed his lover warily.  
"But I'm actually there with you. That way, I'm not surprised or disgusted."  
  
"...You think what we do is disgusting?"  
  
"Schuldich," he rubbed his temples, tired expression firmly in place, "let's not start this argument."  
  
"It's your fault. You always need to have the final word in everything, Brad."  
  
"......I do not."  
  
"You do."  
  
"Go to bed."  
  
Picking up his own journal once again, Crawford pushed his glasses up higher on his nose before nudging Schuldich's bare bottom with his knee.  
  
// I do not. //  
  
// Shut up, Brad. //  
  
~ * ~  
  
~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 11 * ~  
  
Farfarello is realizing Nagi's true inner potential towards being..different. It may prove interesting to see how he reacts now to not being the dominant one in a personal relationship.  
  
Schuldich is planning something. I don't know what, but if he tries to tie me up again, I swear I'm making him sleep on the couch.  
  
Nagi is beginning to frighten me. Everyday I learn something new about that boy, most of which I could have lived my life without knowing. Maybe he can be placated now that he has the object of his crazed attentions.  
  
With Schuldich scheming, I'm praying to survive this week. I have no intention of being the weak one in a relationship. Unlike Farfarello, I don't believe myself to be so flexible (not in the physical sense of course). Maybe I am a die-hard dominant.  
  
~ * ~  
  
Placing the journals on his nightside table, Crawford took off his glasses and shifted forward in the bed to wrap himself enticingly about his slender lover. There, he grinned into Schuldich's neck.  
"Ready for the next round?"  
  
A soft sigh drifted up from in front.  
"Don't you have an 'off' switch?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"What do I have to do? Put a neon, light-up sign pointing to my ass saying 'not interested'?"  
  
"Anything short of a death threat won't work. Trust me."  
  
And he rolled over his German redhead eliciting a protesting squeak from the other man before the sound was devoured by hungry lips.  
  
  
~ * ~ * ~ End Day 11 ~ * ~ * ~  
  
*Sighs* I really need sleep. Danke to Alison-chan for keeping me awake long enough to write this.  
  
^.~ Danke to the Bondage Omi, and Hentai Yohji, too. Oh! And my Sano-chaaaan! *glomps* *singing* "I wanna kiss you all over! And over and again!......"  
  
Schu: O,O Um...you should really sleep now.  
  
RC: *passes out at keyboard* SNOOOOREEEEEEEE  



	12. Day Twelve

Schwarz Journals (Day 12/?)

__

April 26, 2001

Journal of Brad Crawford

I believe I can now justly regret my choice to give Schuldich velvet handcuffs as an anniversary gag.

Last night, he decided to pounce me on my way out of the shower. Perhaps the sex wouldn't have been so bad had he actually taken the time to dry off the water still clinging to my skin. ….or if he hadn't just handcuffed me to the bathroom doorknob and taken me right there.

Even so, I still consider myself an avowed dominant. Sadistic maybe, but I severely doubt that I bear the same smugness as Schuldich after spending another night as seme to him.

……Damn him. My ass hurts. If nothing else, this experience has given me a new respect towards Schuldich's untamed desire for sexual exploration every night. I don't know how he does it in truth. From what I've so recently discovered of it, being uke hurts like hell.

Perhaps not everything was a loss then in being the less dominant partner for once. I think I now feel a greater respect for my redheaded colleague, lover, and eternal friend.

~ * ~

Wincing, Crawford snapped his journal shut with a frown.

"What's the matter, liebe? Not feeling up to par?"

Both Schuldich and Nagi snickered from where they sat perched side-by-side at the breakfast table. Crawford only glared over the rims of his glasses, shifting painfully where he stood eating bran flakes at the kitchen counter.

"….You'll get used to it." Farfarello arched an eyebrow at his leader's discomfort…then shoved another fork into the toaster (hence why Craw-chan was eating mushy bran ^,~)

"I most certainly will NOT get used to it. I can't even sit down in a damn chair!"

Mixed anger and embarrassment at the boisterous laughs from Nagi and his own younger lover stained his cheeks while Crawford grabbed the next journal…and wished for a cushioned seat.

__

~ * ~

__

April 26

Okay, so I realize that Farfarello can't feel pain, but….you would think the guy could at least give me some prior indication that he's….weird.

Shut up. I don't mean just weird. (That's obvious after the rubber ducky/turkey baster incident.) I mean….in bed weird. Don't think I'm being a brat about it, after all, I DID spend the last few days trying to get him, but…

Oh, I'm sure Schuldich will tell you. He was there. The bitch hid in my closet! Damn him!

….Now I know what you were talking about with "justifiable homicide."

~ * ~

"You're doing it again!"

Brad looked up from Nagi's journal, blinking in surprise.

"Huh? 'It'? What? Where? How-"

"You're arching your eyebrow at me again!"

"Um….really now?" Truly, Crawford's said eyebrow was all but flying off his face and smacking the Man in the Moon right upside his high, rocky head.

"Waaah! Farfie! Make him stop!"

Farfarello blinked, looked at Brad. At Nagi. And then back at the toaster, cramming the fork home gleefully as he was shocked again and again.

*ZAP* "Hee hee! *ZAP ZAP!* "Whooo!" *ZAP!* "Duurrr….mnnh…clean up…isle…..four…." *ZAP!*

Farfarello stubbornly kept his hold on the fork electrocuting him as he lay there twitching about on the kitchen floor.

Nagi just smiled and went back to his bowl of Choco Bombs.

"My, isn't it a pleasant day?"

****

*ZAP! ZAP!*

~ * ~

__

April 26, 2001

Entry 12

Nagi says he's scared of me now. I say he should suck it up and stop acting so much like Schuldich.

What I do in my own time is no one's business but mine. If Nagi wants to shove himself into my business, well…..he'll have to start liking knives for starters. Seriously. What kind of idiot thinks you can have a twenty-four piece set without a bowie, switchblade, and/or retractable paring knife?

I said he should study cutlery.

He said I should put the knives down until after he's done plugging my ass.

I hate sex. There's too many rules.

*Rules of Sex*:

No knives in bed

No biting and/or mutilating one's partner

No restraining one's partner (if the intention be Clause #2 or use of items in Clause #1 to perform Clause #2 in any fashion)

All limbs and/or bodily organs which enter the sex area must be fully functioning afterwards

No watching TV while getting fucked

No sneaking the TV remote into bed and muting the sound while hoping partner fails to notice

No food in the sex area (unless it is directly related to the sex itself and care is taken to eliminate the necessitated use of foresaid items in Clause #1)

See?! It's insane! There were more, but I forgot them. Nagi will probably remind me later when I do something not in the rule book.

Damn God. He's up there laughing at me. I can hear him cackling.

Wait. No, that's Schuldich in the upstairs bathroom. Nevermind.

Ja.

__

~ * ~

"Brad? Why are you twitching?" Schuldich half-bounced, half-stalked over to where his lover was still standing at the kitchen counter.  


"TELL FARFARELLO TO GET THE FUCKING FORK OUTTA MY LEG!!!"

"Oh, um." Schu looked down at said utensil now crammed into Brad's calf. "Uh…..Bad Farfie! Down boy!"

"GET HIM OFF! GET HIM OFF!"

"Arrgh! He's foaming at the mouth! …MAD DOG! MAD DOG!"

Nagi just blinked at his wildly flailing teammates, still calmly munching his cereal and wondering just why his psychotic lover had eaten his toothpaste again, now bubbling at the mouth.

"Weirdos."

~ * ~

__

Fuckbook

Day 11

I've been officially corrupted.

Today I was just minding my own innocent business (spying on Nagi and Farfarello from the kid's closet). …Hey, it's my job to protect him! I've seen him get crazy with whips and leather before!

Nagi. Not Farfarello. The poor guy must think the kid's lost it.

Anyhoo, I was just minding my own fucking business when they came into the room arguing something about a fetish of Farfarello's.

Heh. Get this, Brad: Farfarello was trying to talk Nagi into sneaking into Takatori's office and having sex on his desk!

Maybe they wouldn't have found me in the closet if I hadn't screamed in shock just then. Nagi wound up sticking his head in and found me hiding there, then mentally threw me out the door and locked me outside again. Damn him, that little bitch! I'll get him back for that. I swear it.

Ja ne, Braddy!

3 SchuSchu

~ * ~

"…Schuldich?"

The redhead looked up from where he was trying to mop up the mixed blood and toothpaste upon the kitchen tile.

"Brad?"

"….You need a hobby."

Schu grinned.

"Last time someone said that I took up smoking."

"….."

"Brad?"

"….Why do I even try?"

~ * ~

__

~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 12 * ~

Schuldich is getting to be a bother again. I'm not referring to myself in that, but I truly do fear that one day my lover just might do something to warrant Nagi's rage beyond my control.

Farfarello….is himself. I can't really say much about that man beyond the fact that he never ceases to frighten me.

Nagi is becoming more and more possessive of his lover. Honestly, I never would have pictured this turn of roles, but the boy seems to enjoy being a dominant partner. I only wonder how long Farfarello will remain under his control before the man snaps.

~ * ~

Sighing, Crawford closed his journal and managed to glare down at Nagi as the youngest Schwarz member bound his leg in gauze. Obviously, Craw-chan was not happy.

"You realize that it's only a matter of time before Farfarello tries to kill you."

"Oh, he's tried," Nagi chirped happily, still binding the American's leg.

"..And?"

"I bitch-slapped him and jumped his bones."

"…."

"Crawford?"

"….headache…."

~ * ~ * ~ End Day 12 ~ * ~ * ~

Thanks, Viva. ^.~ You inspired me to actually pull another chapter outta my butt. Hope you enjoyed it!


	13. Day Thirteen

^.~ This part is for Scarby. Hope ya like it as much as the rest, chica! More Farf insanity! (Just cuz I know he's your fav)

Schwarz Journals (Day 13/?)

__

April 27, 2001

Journal of Brad Crawford

Once again, my life is getting horribly annoying.

Today I actually dared to get my hopes up for some normalcy when Takatori contacted me with "the most dire of missions." When I rushed to his office however, it just appeared that his restroom toilet had overflown, and somehow the bastard had managed to find a small subsection of my employment contract dictating that I could perform such inhuman duties as 'superintendent'.

Over the course of today, I have seemed to develop a nervous twitch as well.

~ * ~

"I'm going out tonight, liebe! Don't wait up!" Schuldich brushed by his lover with a quick kiss and accompanying smack on the ass.

*twitch twitch*

"Where are you going, Schuldich? This is the third night in a row you've been gone late…" Eyeglasses took on the familiar Crawford-light-gleam-effect seeming to add 'if you're cheating on me, I'll kill you in cold blood.'

"Oh, don't worry, koi!" Schuldich twittered, flashing another winning smile, "I'm only going out for myself tonight."

And Schu promptly dug through the bedroom closet, producing an old gray wig and a cane.  
"Ja ne, koi!"

*twitch twitch*

// Not asking. Not in the mood. Don't wanna know. //

*TWITCH*

__

~ * ~

Fuckbook

Day 13

I've finally found my true calling, Brad! I am a god! I cannot be vanquished!

I'm a beer-guzzling, cigarette-smoking, old-lady-cursing bingo player from hell! BWAHAHAHA!!!

Yesss! The folks at the old fogies home have learned to fear the wrath of my mighty chip dispenser! I cannot be defeated! I know the number they're gonna call as soon as they see it, so I shout "BINGO" even before the number is called! MWAHAHA!!!

Oh Braaaaaadddyyy…… You wanna come with me tomorrow night and actually –tell- me the numbers before they're picked? Huh? Huh? Dontcha!? It's fuuunnn!

Ole' Maurice and I have all the ladies swooning over us cuz we're the champs. Nice guy, Old Maurice. He still thinks I stole his false teeth, though.

…And he's right.

Have fun tonight, liebe! Don't wait up! It's miso soup night at the home, so I'll be late!

3 SchuSchu

~ * ~

*twitch* "Schuldich….playing….bingo?" *twitch twitch* "Those poor old people. …Why didn't I see this coming?"

A voice rang out from outside his room.

"WAAHHH!!! Farfie! That's OBSCENE!!"

*twitch* "I need a vacation"

"GAH! Not in the front of the window! The neighbors will see! It's…ooooh.. Take it off. Take it alllll off."

"TWITCH*

~ * ~

__

April 27

I never thought things would come to this.

Today I came home from school and discovered Farfarello has stolen a number of dresses from who knows where and was trying them all on in front of my bedroom mirror humming the theme from what I believe is the Miss America Pageant. That's the only reason I'm telling you any of this. It must be your fault, Crawford. Somehow you warped his brain with your evil American-isms.

Yeah, so after having sex with him (he refused to take off the evening gown), I was going to come talk to you about things, but for some reason I found Schuldich in the kitchen, trying to glue a pair of dentures to the refrigerator.

What an idiot. He should know you need a double-blend epoxy for something like that.

~ * ~

By this point, Crawford wasn't sure whether to be surprised at Farfarello's weirdness, or go rip Schuldich's head off for gluing false teeth to the refrigerator door. He chose a happy medium; eyes wide in shock and mouth curled into an evil scowl.

*twitchedy twitch*

"I'm going to kill them both. It's just a matter of time."

--"OOH! FARFIE! YOU BAAAAAD LITTLE GIRL!"--

"Shoot me."

~ * ~

__

April 27, 2001

Entry 13

__

I don't know what Nagi's problem is now. "Dress wearing" was never part of his "Rules of Sex" from what I remember. He said it was there, I just didn't read it before chewing it up.

Either way, I say the little bitch needs to back off. I don't know. If this doesn't turn him off fucking me, then nothing will. I'm sick of being uke to him. No offense to the kid, but I've got a fucking –image- to keep up, here!

I don't care what he says anymore. I'm gonna break ALL the rules until he gets the fucking picture and backs off. He's a little perv anyway.

Ah, shit. He's coming this way. ….Maybe the blue chiffon will turn him off.

Ja.

~ * ~

Crawford stared at Farfarello's journal for a bit longer, suddenly having the urge to scream. He never got the chance, however. A moment later he was treated to the sound of a familiar psycho bouncing down the hall in a frilly party frock followed closely by a shrieking Naoe Nagi.

"FARFIE! Get the fuck –back- here!!!"

*singing and skipping in dress*

"Maa~arry had a little lamb, it's fleece was bloody red! Cuz laa~mby met the grain thresher, and now the lamb is dead! …hee hee hee."

*twitch twitch*

"Need…vacation…."

~ * ~

__

~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 13 * ~

Farfarello is going to be the death of me. For the first time a number of months, I've found myself wondering if the local animal shelter will put humans to sleep if I convince them that he's rabid.

Nagi is perhaps realizing now that his lover is a child at heart. Farfarello cannot be reasoned with, that's for sure. I only hope that eventually, Nagi might grow up a bit and realize that the eternal childhood that Farfarello seems trapped in might not be as attractive as originally thought.

Schuldich has adapted a bingo obsession. I fear having to go down to the Tokyo Resting Home one day and pry the bitch screaming and kicking from his chair. …If he hits me with that cane though, I'll be sure to hurt him severely.

Myself…..I think I just might consider taking a glance at the Tokyo City want ads. It's time I took a second job to clear my head, I think.

~ * ~

Crawford calmly closed his journal and placed the stack under his bed for later redistribution to his teammates. Right now…he was a man on a mission.

Growling, he grabbed some rope, duct tape, and tranquilizers for a certain dress-wearing Irishman running down the hall flashing his new lacy panties at Nagi.

~ * ~ * ~ End Day 13 ~ * ~ * ~
    
    Whee! Wasn't that fun?! ^O^ More out as soon as I finish stupid summer college! SEE EVERYONE AT OTAKON! (I'll be dressed as Legato Bluesummers! Be sure to glomp me for huggles and ficcie previews!)


	14. Day Fourteen

I think this is one of the funniest episodes yet, but that might just be because it's 3 AM and I'm up sick with a cold and I feel like crap. Read if you're in the mood.

This part's for Meg (my lovely Meryl), Steve (my in-the-closet-seme Legato), and Ben (the world's bitch, Vash)

Enjoy.

****

Schwarz Journals (Day 14/?)

__

April 28, 2001

Journal of Brad Crawford

It's strange how I've just stopped looking into the future of my mentally troubled teammates lately in favor of forecasting work alone, but I feel that living experiences twice over is more punishment than even I deserve. For the same reasons now, I find it's not that I doubt Schuldich's affections for me, but sometimes that man makes me question.

We were sent on a mission today, the details of which I will spare you since it neither matters, nor am I excited by the possibility of writing about them. However, the issue arose over Schuldich's true nature when we later met back at the apartment after becoming separated, and I discovered that he was rather cheerful now, having raped a battle-bruised Yohji Kudou following our encounter with WeiB.

He claimed "the bitch was just asking for it." I pointed out that it's hard for one to ask when one is rather unconscious at the time. …Damn him. Maybe Schuldich doesn't count this little excursion into the manipulating of WeiB as cheating upon our own relationship, but he could have at least –asked- me before fucking Kudou's brains out and leaving him naked on a bench in the public park.

…Maybe it's time we had another talk..

~ * ~

Crawford looked up from over the top of his journal upon his various teammates, for once all together and seated about the room comfortably to watch the late-night porn movie. …All courtesy of Schuldich's night to chose their entertainment, and Crawford's headache too much of an obstacle to protest at the moment.

Instead, he chose to drown out the moaning and wet slapping noises by opening the next journal with a sigh.

"Yeah! Stick 'em both in her! Whoo hoooo!"

….so much for concentration..

~ * ~

__

April 28, 2001

Entry 14

I've given up on trying to "convince" Nagi that I should be the seme every now and then. I guess the little fucker's learned something from you afterall in how you bitch-treat Schuldich. Sure, it's amusing when you do it, but then the little bastard has to go carbon copy and act all Mini Brad and shit. I think having one of you is enough abuse already.

Yeah, writing crap…. Blah, blah…

So after I failed on my own to convince Mini Brad that he's a dominating little fucker, I thought 'Hey, maybe Schuldich has some ideas', which was probably another lapse in whatever sanity I still have since your fuck-toy is ever more whipped than I am. Either way, he just laughed at me until I threatened to shave him bald and paint his head pink in his sleep.

But hey, I was just about to give up when I realized that it's time I got some outside help. Someone who I can just talk to and can tell me what the fuck is up with everyone. Mr. Brew is just so smart and he never talks to anyone but me so I don't have to worry about him pissing me off with stupid insight like your German whore.

I'll find a way to topple Mini Brad. Mr. Brew will show me. He knows everything. Mr. Brew is smart.

Ja.

~ * ~

"….Mr..Brew?" Crawford blinked, looking over Farfarello's journal entry then over to where the Irishman was sprawled upon an armchair, one leg over the back, the other twisted unnaturally under him. …and he appeared to be petting a…can of beer? "Farfarello….Um, you do realize that you can't take sexual advice from a can of beer just because you name it.."

Instantly the younger man's piercing yellow eye slitted and glared Crawford for all the psycho was worth. Silent a moment, though his head cocked a bit to the side as if listening to a-

"You're right. I don't think he's getting laid tonight, either."

Crawford choked mid-sip on his coffee, rather indignant now…even though it was the truth.

"What the -hell- are you talking about?!"

"Mr. Brew says you had a fight with your bitch and aren't getting any sex tonight."

"He….W-WHAT?!?!"

"No nookie. None of the horizontal tango. No wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am."

It didn't seem like Farfarello cared to keep eye-contact with the American any longer now that the late-night porn flick had picked up a notch and now included at least five men all trouncing some busty blonde whore. …That and Crawford's suspicions that the younger man had every form of ADD imaginable.

"Farfie, it's a fucking CAN OF BEER!!!"

"….Don't be jealous."

"ARRRGHHH!!!!!"

~ * ~

April 28

Today was rather interesting. It seems that Farfarello isn't quite the willing uke I took him for. He decided to drop in on me this afternoon in something of a crazed state (literally, Crawford. He was foaming at the mouth) and he just kept trying to pin me to the bed. I guess he really wanted to be seme.

I just half-ignored him and finished my homework, mentally throwing him through the wall whenever he screeched and tried to pounce me again. Yeah, yeah, so I apologize for the Farf-shaped holes in the wall, okay? Eventually he kinda got dazed enough for me to stick him in the straight jacket and screw him again before sticking him back in his cell.

…I think he's kinda angry at me now, though. He's been sitting around grumbling to a can of beer all day. …Is he even legal to drink, Crawford? Not a good idea to leave alcohol around where he can get it.

Ja ne.

~ * ~

"Don't drink that, Farfarello. I don't need a drunken psycho on my hands."

The Irishman didn't even flinch, calmly cradling his can of beer and watching the tv porn with strange detachment only he could manage.

"I'm not drinking Mr. Brew. I'm petting him."

"Braaddd…" Schuldich quickly broke in with a feigned whine, more perverted snickering than anything. "You never let me just pet him! I always have to drink and swallow it a-"

"-Don't be hentai, Schuldich."

~ * ~

Fuckbook

Day 14

….Brad.. ….You're not still angry at me for the whole Kudou incident, are you? I mean… Okay, so yeah I did fuck him rotten. But it's only because you never let me be seme to you! How the hell else am I supposed to get the chance, hmm liebe? With that stick up your ass there's no room for me anyway.

It's all your fault, Brad! You've driven me into the arms of another semi-conscious manslut! You should be ashamed of yourself! Damn it, you're sleeping on the couch tonight!

~ * ~

"Wait a second…..how is it that you're blaming ME for your whoring around, Schuldich?!"

The redhead didn't seem a bit fazed, just calmly lying there on the couch with one arm cushioned behind his head and a long leg extended to stick one of his socked feet into Farfarello's lap in an effort to arouse the younger man. It didn't seem to be working. Farfarello was just staring at gyrating bodies upon the TV screen and mumbling something every now and then to Mr. Brew.

"It is your fault. You're evil by nature."

"What does that have to with you being a slut?"

Schuldich just grinned, triumphant for somehow having managed to unclasp the button to Farfarello's slacks just using his toes.

"You're my lover, Brad. Not my sugar daddy. SchuSchu needs some mutual loving."

Crawford faintly twitched.

"Schuldich….I am –not- your pimp, and don't speak in the third person."

"But SchuSchu likes to. It annoys his pimp daddy."

*twitch* "I'm going to kill you. You realize it's just a matter of time before you all cause me to snap.."

Grinning, Schuldich leaned over and patted his lover's cheek.

"Oh, and we do sooo love you for your homicidal tendencies too…"

"..Bite me."

"Only if I get to be on top."

"Then screw you."

"That defeats the purpose, Bradley-chaaaan."

"…Grrrrrrr………"

~ * ~

__

~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 14 * ~

Schuldich somehow always finds a way to try my patience. Yes, I've already forgiven him for fucking Yohji Kudou, but I wonder now what exactly do we have in this 'relationship' of ours if little is based on love, and sex is just thrown around so casually in Schu's eyes.

Nagi refuses to give up the possibility that perhaps Farfarello is not going to be an easy lover to handle. It's strange how I can see some truth in Farfarello's words; Nagi has indeed taken after my techniques in how I handle Schuldich. However, I refuse to believe that whatever problems he may encounter is born from a connection to me.

Farfarello is once again showing some of his neurotic tendencies. It's not just in his actions this time, but I honestly worry if he can hear voices. If so, it might be time to change his medications again.

Myself, I have decided to make a conscious effort to just let things happen as they will, both in my relationship with Schuldich but also in the other matters which have been concerning me as of present.

~ * ~

"AAAGHNNN!!! BRRAAADDD!!! MAKEHIMSTOPMAKEHIMSTOP!!!!"

Looking up from his journal slightly annoyed, Crawford was greeted to the sight of his lover sprawled upon the floor and in a headlock courtesy of Farfarello who was pinning him to the carpet. One knee was shoved painfully into the redhead's back, the other trapping Schuldich's hands, and Farfarello's slacks, having been unfastened moments before by the horny telepath, now resided somewhere around ankles.

"HE DRANK MR. BREW!! NOW YOU --DIE--!"

"NUUU!!!! BRRRAAAADDD!!!! …Damn it, why don't you CARE?"

Brad just blinked, crossing his legs casually and looking down on his two teammates with a clear lack of concern.

"If you get beer stains on my carpet, I'll kill you."

"BRRAADDD!!!"

"Shut up and DIE, bitch!"

"Both of you, shut up!" Nagi growled over the commotion. "I can't hear the porn!" 

~ * ~ * ~ End Day 14 ~ * ~ * ~


	15. Day Fifteen

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This part is for my weirdo muse Sakura-chan, and also MAGGIE who allowed me to test out my new Jrock knowledge test on her. ^^ *huggles* Also for lovely Djinn! MWAHAHA!! *seme pounce* You inspire me to be hentai. _ And I'm STILL not getting any! *flails*

Disclaimer: I don't own a Miracle Blade Slicer, nor do I have any relationship to the company which makes them. Thank you Chef Tony. *glomps* I don't own Clorox 2, but…wait…I think there might be some downstairs. WHEE! I guess I –do- own it! XD WeiB Kreuz and the characters don't belong to be. No infringement intended. 

Schwarz Journals (Day 15/?)

__

April 29, 2001

Journal of Brad Crawford

Tonight probably proved most eventful when I discovered that Schuldich has been robbing the resting home patrons of MANY pairs of false teeth and gluing them to my refrigerator to spell out "FUCK YOU." I don't usually care what Schuldich does in his spare time so long as there is no property damage or loss of important life.

Obviously, the line was crossed when he chose to defile my appliances.

Still, it didn't appear to matter how choleric I appeared when storming into the bingo room this evening and demanding that he leave –immediately- with me. The bitch proceeded to ignore me and mark off more spaces on his board, an inexcusable act in my book, so I attempted to remove him, cane, wig and all, by force.

I hadn't expected any problems with the situation. Maybe I should have looked into the future anyway. Then perhaps I could have avoided being set on by thirty old men and women throwing cheap ramen and small packets of individually wrapped butter. Either way, Schuldich was rather smug when a resident nurse demanded I leave.

He's still there, I suppose. Stupid whore.

~ * ~

Crawford's gaze flitted distastefully over to where his ruined suit lay in a heap of brown stains and a few stray noodles still clinging to it. Already he was plotting Schuldich's demise. It was just a matter of time now.

Well, better to find out what troubles Nagi and Farfarello were experiencing in their "relationship." Sick and twisted as it sounded, Brad felt better after hearing about the problems of other relationships. It made him feel a little more…..smug.

__

~ * ~

April 29

I've given up on waiting for Farfie to follow my cues in sex and actually participate in his uke role. I tried slipping him your copy of "Gay Sex for Dummies", but I think he used it as a coloring book instead. Sorry, Crawford. ..But….the diagrams section is looking very vibrant at least.

I decided that maybe if I can find a way to kinda decrease his energy, then Farfarello might be a little more …susceptible to my advances in after hours. On Schuldich's urging, I have encouraged Farfarello to come up with his own hobby or invention. Hopefully this will leave him a little more worn at night from the constant strain and I just might be able to take him without protest.

I've even tried to send him in the right direction! …Uh, if anyone asks, -I- was not the one who bought the edible panties and Gummy Fun Bed Bra.

~ * ~

The American blinked. Read over Nagi's last entry. Then blinked again.

"This might explain the five pounds of shredded coconut on the kitchen table."

Not that he really minded what Farfarello did just so long as it didn't bring suspicion from the outside masses. Killing third graders and howling at the moon were two of Farfarello's more annoying addictions. Maybe Nagi had finally found his lover a socially acceptable hobby?

~ * ~

__

Fuckbook

Day 15

I'd be scared if I was you, Brad. Today Farfarello decided to start his own line of clothing as a way to make a little side money since he's still trying to pay off that Miracle Blade Slicer™. Didn't work as advertised according to him. He decided that even if it was strong enough to cut through sheet rock, it didn't work fast enough on car paneling and his ..uh.. "playmates" kept driving away before he could get to them.

I can see why Nagi is encouraging it though. Really Brad, he's not harming anyone yet. …Uh…until he puts on that lamb chop skirt he's making. He says it's the perfect invention: full food group edible clothing.

I think it makes me look fat, but still said something like "Oh! It's GREAT!" since I know the stupid fucker will gouge my eyes out if I don't. Heh. Coerced complements. Maybe he could teach a course in that, it would get him a LOT more money.

Ja ne, liebe. …And uh….sorry about that little Bingo Hall incident. I didn't know ramen stuck to ugly suits that well.

3 SchuSchu

~ * ~

Brad blinked up from the journal entry to discover his lover trying to sneak beneath the covers without him noticing. Smirking, the older man slammed one elbow down into the blanket-wrapped redhead eliciting a pained "UMMPH!" from Schuldich before the German's head popped out a little.

"You know you shouldn't encourage him, Schuldich."

Emerald eyes rolled.

"Oh shut up, Brad.

Crawford placed Schuldich's journal back into the pile and withdrew Farfarello's, blinked, and scowled as he tried to peel off the dirty picture that the younger man had apparently colored and then glued to the cover of his journal. Damn it. ...He liked that position. Why did Farfarello have to go and rip pages out of HIS books just to make art?

"..And my suit isn't ugly, Schu."

"Yeah, koi. It really is."

Crawford narrowed his eyes at the half-asleep German, poking his lover in the ribs. Hard.

"You might want to leave, Schu. I'm getting a premonition of you being thrown out the bedroom window in about two minutes."

Emerald eyes widened, blinking up at Brad for a minute to see if the older man was serious.

"But….Nagi's downstairs…"

"I'm still here. …Thirty seconds. …Twenty nine…Twenty eight….."

That was all it took to send Schuldich bolting out of bed and running from the room, flailing and shrieking in terror.

Crawford watched, his lips just curving up into a smug smile.

// Ahh…sweet sweet silence… //

~*~

__

April 29, 2001

Entry 15

Schuldich didn't like the skirt I made for him. He didn't come right out and say it, but I'm not as stupid as he takes me for. I know when the bitch is straight out lying to me. Not like I really care though. He looks too fat in it anyway. I need someone thinner to wear my clothes. Someone –deserving-.

Heyyy…. Do you know where that Yohji Kudou lives? He's kinda skinny. Mmm….he'd look…delicious…in my clothes… What if I went over to his apartment and just-

~*~

Crawford slammed the journal closed, shoving it under the others with definite distaste. He didn't need to read that. He didn't need to discover what demented plans the household psychopath had for the unsuspecting male whore of WeiB.

~ * ~

__

~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 15 * ~

Farfarello has taken his insanity and harnessed it in the fashion world. What is it about Yohji Kudou anyway? First Schuldich feels the need to fuck his brains out, and now Farfarello is undoubtedly going to force the manslut into some kind of demented fashion monstrosity. I guess there's just something about him that seems to draw every maniac in a fifty mile radius.

Nagi, I suspect, is becoming too involved in the world of kink and sexual exploration. I understand that he is a teen with certain "needs", but really I must speak with Estet about upping the dosage of those tranquilizers we've been slipping into his cereal. Schuldich says it makes him quite and zombie-like. I say it's better than the genki, energetic little brat that he was before we started drugging him.

Schuldich seems to try my patience on purpose. I really don't understand what I see in that man. …Maybe it's time I went and discovered the seductive wiles of Yohji Kudou for myself. They're almost the same person if not for hair color.

Myself, I have given up on just purchasing the supermarket standard brand of bleach. It doesn't work on crème-colored suits. Note to self: look into Clorox 2.

~ * ~

Crawford deposited his journal atop the others, carefully folding his reading glasses and then leaving his bedroom to discover why the household was suddenly so….quiet.

Once downstairs, he discovered Schuldich lounged upon one of the living room chairs, back against one arm and a long leg splayed over the other. The telepath seemed to be deep in thought. Hmm…must be an optical illusion.

"You know, Farfie… If you're going to market this stuff, you'll need a last name to sell it under."

Farfarello just growled, trying to saw through a side of raw beef on Crawford's now-bloody living room table.

"Don't have a last name."

"Oh c'mon! You must have one. ….OUCH!" Schuldich pouted, rubbing his sore head where a rib had just been thrown in his direction. "Okaay. I'll just give you a name then. Lemmie see…. You're….Irish…so….." He suddenly broke out into a grin. "O'Reily! I'm naming you 'Farfie O'Reily! ….mweeheehee…"

Crawford just sighed, shaking his head and opting to leave the room. He was getting a vision of Schuldich thrown down upon the coffee table with a saw-wielding Irish psycho standing over him. Not something he wanted to experience twice.

~ * ~ * ~ End Day 15 ~ * ~ * ~

x_X Geebis, that chapter took me a YEAR to get out? *dies* Yeah, well…my senior year was stressful. ^^ And I'll be attending the University of Pennsylvania in the fall! What fun! Anyone going there, look me up! ^.~


	16. Day Sixteen

Whee! Another chapter of weirdness. =3 I'm trying on ideas, people. Really, I am.

Disclaimer: WeiB Kreuz and its characters do not belong to me, but I may torture them a little for my own amusement. I have no connections to the creators of Sailor Moon. I do not endorse Rogaine and did not compose the Irish drinking song "Flogging Molly".

This chapter is for Carina. May she convince my parents that it's not a waste to spend $40,000 a year on an Ivy League school to grant me a degree in Art! XD

Want to contact me? Sure.

AIM: Sadistic Kyo

Schwarz Journals (Day 16/?)

__

April 30, 2001

Journal of Brad Crawford

I put up with a lot of crap from my questionably sane party, but today was the final straw.

Farfarello took the suit of mine that Schuldich's bingo partners had so "kindly" covered in ramen noodles and sold it on eBay as Article One in his line of edible clothing. Pleased at the price it rendered in the resulting bidding war, he has now apparently gone through my closet and covered –all- of my suits in disgusting food products in hopes of further auction success.

This leaves me both with an Irishman facing an indefinite period of punishment hanging upside down in his straightjacket but also without anything presentable to wear. Takatori was not pleased when I reported for work today in a pair of Schuldich's khakis and a Hawaiian-print shirt. I swear the bitch was lying when he said it was all that would fit me. I'm not –that- fat.

…On a completely unrelated note, I have taken it upon myself to join a local gym to improve my physique.

~ * ~

Crawford blinked, then scowled and x-ed out "physique," replacing it with the much more subtle "technique."

// Ah, perfect. //

~ * ~

__

Entry 16

April 30, 2001

Nagi's angry with me. I know it. Just because I fucked Kudou raw.-

~ * ~

~ WHAT?!?! ~

Crawford's head jerked back against the headboard of his bed, jarred by an all-too-familiar nasal note in his brain laced by a German accent. ..And possibly hints of too much strawberry pocky.

// These journals are none of your business, Schuldich. They're for my character assessments alone. //

~ Oh, well in that case, what do you want on your pancakes? Strawberries, syrup, or rum? ~

Crawford blinked.

"Rum? On pancakes?"

~ Rum it is! ~

"No, wait! I…..grrrrr…"

~ * ~

__

Entry 16

April 30, 2001

Nagi's angry with me. I know it. Just because I fucked Kudou raw.

It's not like I fucking –planned- to. I didn't leave the house this morning saying "Golly, wouldn't it be swell ta stick-a me lucky charm in Kudou Yohji today?"

Hell no. I grabbed the bitch off the street, stuffed him in a swiss-cheese loincloth, and fucked his ass rotten in one of the show models at the car dealership down the street. Those commercials are right, Crawford. There's nothing like fucking in that new car smell. …Reclining seats…fresh, clean leather…

…Okay, so it has a big blood and cum stain now, but that's irrelevant. I just don't get what the big deal is. I mean….you fucked Kudou, what, yesterday?

~ * ~

~ WHHAAATT?!?!?!?!?! ~

Crawford winced before the look of a deer caught in headlights came over his face.

"Shit…"

"YOU DID WHAT?!"

He didn't even need the mental connection to hear Schuldich scream that, though the sudden, fleeting image of his German lover battering him with a hot frying pan was helpful. In seconds Crawford had leapt from the bed and was shoving the journals away to make a break for it, tugging the bedroom door open only to discover Schuldich standing there with his flame-orange hair wild and eyes a definite black to match his scowl-o-death.

"Betray ME, will you?!"

"Schu~…. koi~.. Aishiteru…"

"Shut up!" Yep. He was holding a frying pan with the still-smoking, black remnants of their breakfast inside. "DIE BITCH!"

Crawford blanched.

"You… OW! THAT HURT YOU F-…OWWW!!! DAMMIT SCHULDICH! YOU FUCKED HIM TOO! OWWWW!!!"

That made the redhead pause, tip his head to the side in thought, then shrug and lower the pan he had been beating Crawford's head with.

"Okay. Your pancakes are ready, koi~!"

"…..I'm in pain…"

~ * ~

__

April 30, 2001

I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should let Farfarello be on top every now and then. I really don't consider myself an uke, but I would much rather he be content enough to remain monogamous.

The Internet porn was supposed to be his punishment for fucking Yohji Kudou, but apparently Farfie likes dressing in Sailor Moon cosplay for me to post hentai pictures of him online. He's even given up his edible clothing business in favor of making weapons for cosplayers.

I said the customers won't want to him to play with the weapons he's making for them. Farf said that's okay because he'll kill them if they don't, so either way he's happy.

I guess we'll see what success he finds in this business endeavor.

~ * ~

Crawford groaned. His head was sore and rather burnt from Schuldich's frying pan, but then it itched too. He had a sneaking suspicion that his skin was peeling much like a sunburn since when he went to scratch it he was forced to tug his hand away in pain.

"Damn you, Schuldich. This is going to hurt for a whole fucking week…"

~ * ~

__

Fuckbook

Day 16

I really wish you hadn't shoved Farfie's knives through the trash compactor. He's been just swinging there upside-down in his straightjacket all night singing Irish woe songs, and it's driving Nagi crazy. The little bastard moved his laptop into my room cuz he said his own was too close to all the noise, and mine was the other one with an Ethernet jack.

I've had lows before, but I've never wanted to kill myself until I saw Nagi uploading porn pictures of Farfarello onto a website today. It was horrible, Brad! Terrible! The horror! I would have just killed myself or at least gouged out my eyes, but you destroyed all the knives into the house, remember?

But it was the most disturbing image of my life. Farfarello should not wear skirts that color. The white just seems to clash with his hair. They don't match right. He'll never be good in the fashion industry with color sense like that.

~ * ~

Crawford blinked. Was that..hair..in Schuldich's journal? Slowly the American looked up to regard their vanity mirror (the very one Schuldich had threatened no sex if he didn't get) and he screamed.

"SCHULDICH, YOU FUCKING MADE MY HAIR FALL OUT!!!"

Indeed there were numerous bald spots now on his head brought on by the hot frying pan killing the skin cells wherever Schuldich had beat him. Damn it! He couldn't afford to be losing his hair now!

Crawford growled. He was NOT a happy camper.

~ * ~

~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 16 * ~

Schuldich is going to be feeling my wrath very, VERY soon. I don't give a damn about his jealous tendencies; mine are enough to have to deal with as is. Perhaps a little relationship counseling should be in order.

Nagi is apparently using the T3-speed Ethernet jack I'm paying thousands of dollars a year for to post pornographic images of Farfarello in tacky skirts. While I generally do not care what he does in his spare time, I think I now understand what Schuldich means when he refers to Nagi's tendency to "rape the household bandwidth."

Farfarello will be given stronger tranquilizers. I can see no other means of keeping him under control long enough to regain my own sanity after the past few days' events. I am certain that the rest of us will be more than able to handle things without him for a while.

As for myself, I now fear it is time to do the unspeakable. …I must look into the benefits of Rogaine and perhaps a new lover while I'm in the market for improvement.

~ * ~

"New haircut, Crawford?" Nagi stood there in the doorway blinking at the older man, laptop in his hands with their latest assignment.

"It's Schuldich's doing."

"Ah. I wouldn't trust him to cut hair if I were you. Look what he does to his own. Normal hair doesn't stick up like that."

Crawford sighed, looking back to his own journal for only a moment before he was jolted again by a resounding, shrill scream emanating from the doorway and accompanying crash as Schuldich dropped the tray holding his rum-covered pancakes.

"You…. Your HAIR!"

"My carpet!"

"My laptop! You got syrup on my laptop! I can't believe y-…. ..Wait, that smells like ALCOHOL!!!"

"..Anou…"  


"Who the fuck puts alcohol on pancakes?!"

Somewhere down in the basement Farfarello paused singing his own personal rendition of "Flogging Molly" to shake his head and sigh.

"I'm stuck livin' with a bunch of psychos."

~ * ~ * ~ End Day 16 ~ * ~ * ~


	17. Day Seventeen

So much for Art Major. Visual Studies 103 was mucho ass-kissing and overall suckage. I think I'll stick with the I.R. this time.

Chapter 17 is written for Maria-chan because she inspired me the most. Other dedications to all the crazy people who are actually reading this in light of the fact that it took my sorry ass two years to get out this chapter. If not for your support and continued reviews I'd have probably ignored this fic. Kudos to you all.

Disclaimers: WeiB Kreuz and all its characters do not belong to me. I merely stash a Schuldich blow-up-doll beneath my bed for personal amusement. "Electric Cucumber" is written and performed by hide (rest in peace) and Spread Beaver. Advil, Aleve and Viagra are all trademark names not belonging to me. eBay is unaffiliated with me. Jello and HBO are trademarks of someone else with more money than I have. I do not endorse Dr. Phil. Farfarello's crotch monkey is merely a figment of my twisted imagination.

Want to contact me? Praise me? Make death threats if I take this long on chapter 18? AIM me: Sadistic Kyo

Schwarz Journals (Day 17)  
By Ray-Chan

_May 1, 2001_

_Journal of Brad Crawford_

_I certainly hope that Nagi is as capable as he proclaims with manipulating computer databases from across the room. I absolutely refuse to bail him out of jail regardless of any complaints he has generated towards my tendency to be "excessively stingy." I don't give a damn. Nagi is no martyr; he brought the charges upon himself when he designed that damn porn site to illegally correspond with a children's cartoon._

_Am I glad that he's facing this ultimately pointless pedophilia investigation? No, any publicity could bring Weiß directly to us. Sadistic pleasure on the other hand? Oh, yes. There is quite a bit of that to be had. I fear that close quarters have helped to sow the seeds of insanity within our ranks and now the effects are beginning to spread in my direction. I am amused to no end by the mere thought of Nagi, foolish child that he is, being set on by the dregs of Japanese society in Tokyo prison just because he registered as being twenty-one to acquire rights to a porn site._

_On a personal note, I am exploring solutions to deal with my sudden (and definitely -undeserved-) hair loss. Perhaps Schuldich is right and this hairpiece makes me an embarrassment to be seen in public with, yet I cannot help but feel that a bit of justice has been served here today. It seems my sadistic pleasure in making others suffer knows no bounds._

_--- _

"Looks like something crawled onto your head and died, Brad."

For at least the twentieth time that morning Brad Crawford made an effort to hide his smug smile.

"I think it's rather fashionable."

"THERE'S A MUTATING RAT ON YOUR HEAD!"

"Must I remind you that this is –your- fault, Schu?"

The telepath grumbled, mentally sending Crawford images of the Takatore family playing beach volleyball together in matching pink thong bikinis.

"I'm taking a shower. No rats allowed."

Brad Crawford twitched. Perhaps if he shot himself in the head just once…

"AIIIEE! Brad! You made me a BUBBLE BATH!" Schuldich squealed from the bathroom. The image of a giggling Takatore Reiji skipping girlishly to take his turn serving the ball quickly disappeared just as Brad had leveled the gun at his head and squeezed his eyes shut.

Bubble bath?

"Schu, I didn't make a bubble bath."

"But it's all set up for me! Oh Brad, you silly, lying little ma-….ARRRGH! FARFIE!"

Brad didn't want to know. Really he didn't.

---

_Entry 17  
May 1, 2001_

_You know, it's kinda nice not having Nagi around. I can scratch when I want, I can watch TV and take knives to bed if I want, I can steal his laptop since he's not here. I don't really get why he likes all that technology shit but I got a screwdriver and took the fan out so now his computer gets nice and hot when I leave it on all day and I can cook ramen on his adaptor._

_Tell Schuldich to let me use the stove. He's been such a bitch about it since I blew up the microwave. Guess you noticed all the Jello, but it's his fault for buying those stupid panties in the first place. 100 cotton my ass. And how was I supposed to know they weren't yours? I'll bet you two share drawers like a fucked-up married couple, and I'm not talking about a bureau either._

_He should be thanking me. I made twenty dollars on eBay and now we have a reason to get a new microwave. That last one sparked whenever I stuck knives in it. Must be defective._

---

"Farfie, kindly tell me what the FUCK you're doing in our bathroom."

"In MY bubble bath!"

"It ain't yours. I made it myself."

"That's my rubber ducky! It's sitting on your…ewwwwwwwssssaaaay… You're a real HEALTHY boy down there, aren'cha!"

Brad growled and grabbed a spare washcloth from the towel rack, throwing it over Farfarello's thighs and sending Schuldich a threatening scowl.

/ You sleep with Farfarello, I disown you. /

-But…But Braaaaad! Just look at it! That isn't normal!-

/ That's not him, retard, it's your damn rubber duck under the towel/

-It…oh. Right.-

/ Grrr… /

Schuldich poked at the towel-covered lump and grinned at the familiar squeak of his second favorite bathtime toy ("Mini Brad" taking precedence as his favorite.)  
"So what's that bulge over there?" He pointed but dare not prod fearing his lover's wrath.

"Oh, that's my crotch monkey."

Schuldich stared, Farfarello grinned, and Brad suppressed a scream.

"Don't you mean 'crotch rocket'?"

"No, it's my monkey."

Crawford refused to argue over the matter. He was much too distracted now by a vision of his unconscious body being jostled unnecessarily within a speeding ambulance after his apparent overdose on migraine medication.

"Damn it. I hate hospitals."

---

_Fuckbook  
Day 17_

_For the record, I was not the one who mutilated the microwave, Brad. And if you want to play schoolgirl anymore you've gotta get me some new panties. Farf ran them through the microwave making Jello this morning. I always thought a bowl worked better, but he said they'd make us rich somehow and let me lick the spoon so I didn't complain much. _

_We have some panty-shaped Jello in the fridge if you want me to pick up some whipped cream later or something. I compromised with Farf. He gets to keep the money he made off eBay and you and me get to keep the strawberry panties for dessert tonight._

_I cut off his stove privileges until he gets the toaster fixed. I'm not touching it with that fork sparking every time we plug it in. Though I think we get HBO whenever I make grilled ham and cheese now. Maybe it's not a complete loss. _

_Oh, I got us a new microwave though. Just kinda tweaked that little old lady nextdoor's brainwaves into thinking it was three years since we moved in and microwaves are the 3-year anniversary gift._

_She deserved it. Bitch kicked my ass at bingo last week._

---

Crawford scowled. How did he always end up with these annoying assignments? The American tried to calm his nerves a little by pondering sweet, sweet murder as he rolled his sleeves up higher and fished a bright pink stuffed penguin from the sudsy bathwater.

Schuldich was no help. The redhead had discovered a water-wilted frog in there about ten minutes ago and been fawning over it ever since. Thankfully Farfarello was still casually clutching the plush monkey over his crotch even if the younger man was ignoring Crawford's orders to help remove the other various stuffed animals from the eldest's tub. Something seemed to have caught his one good eye while digging randomly through the bathroom closet packed full of Brad's towels and Schuldich's….bathtub eccentricities.

Grabbing one item at random, Farfarello turned it over in his hands, searching vainly for whatever must be the source of amusement to have warranted either Brad or Schuldich to invest in such a worthless-looking product. Crawford was too cheap to buy anything lacking a certain purpose and Schuldich was too broke to purchase anything but those essentials that he could nag his lover into.

"What the fuck is this thing anyway?"

Crawford looked up from the tub and blanched.

"Uh….ummmm…"

Farfarello's hand shifted but promptly dropped the object in surprise when the green thing suddenly came to life, clattering and dancing all over the floor. Farf's one good eye slowly grew wider.

"You know…it kinda looks like a…."

Schuldich had left the bathroom for a minute to hide the sopping frog somewhere in his bedroom (lest Brad or Farfarello try to steal it away) but chose that precise moment to prance into the bathroom again and pick up the quivering object with a nuzzle and accompanying pleased purr.

"Mmm… Ever hear that song 'Electric Cucumber'?"

Farfarello just stared at Schu's "toy" in wonder.

"Who eats electric vegetables? Electric people? I always knew Crawford wasn't human."

Brad was already rubbing at his temples, trying desperately to get rid of that annoyed twitch.

"Someone please kill me."

"That can be arranged."

Crawford eyed Farfarello nervously…and made for the exit post-haste.

---

_May 1, 2001_

_I hate you, Crawford. I know you saw a vision of this happening, but would you tell me? Noooooo. Did you let me blast the police through your bedroom window when they came for me? Noooooo._

_"Too much broken glass," you said. "I don't want bloodstains on my new carpet," you said. And, "Nagi, I'll ground you for a month if you set Farfarello on them." What good is having a psychotic lover around the house if you can't tell him to mutilate the authorities when they come to arrest you?_

_I'll make you pay, Crawford. When I get out I'm going to find out what you love the most and CRUSH IT WITH MY BARE HANDS!_

_…Well, probably with my mind, but I think the bare hands sound more dramatic, don't you?_

---

"Brad? Didn't you already take eight Advil?"

"Go away, Schuldich." -Twitchtwitch-

"And six Aleve?"

"Leave me alone, Farfarello!" -TWITCH-

"And ten Viagra?"

"GO AW-….HEY! JUST WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?"

"Eeeheeheehee."

"JUST CALL THE GODDAMNED AMBULANCE!"

"He's twitching."

"We should poke him."

"OW! NO KNIVES!"

"Eeeheeheeheeeheeeee!"

"I could not have forseen this development."

---

_ Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 17 _

_Nagi must be experiencing those rebellious teenage years I hear parents complain so much about. Schuldich has been experiencing them for years, I'm sure. Hopefully Nagi's will be over by next week. We have a mission of some sort. No doubt something unpleasant._

_Schuldich really shouldn't abuse his powers without a care. At some point everyone will regain their senses and question why the hell they complied with these insane urges in the first place. When that happens, I expect many disgruntled neighbors will be breaking down our front door. _

_Farfarello will meet with some serious pain if he destroys any more of my appliances. I still cannot get that fork out of the toaster and those dentures on the refrigerator door from Schu's escapades are becoming an eyesore._

_As for myself, I have all but given up on ever reacquiring my sanity. Perhaps evil masterminds are just insane by definition. Just look at Stalin or Hitler. Or Dr. Phil for that matter._

---

"-Hahaha. Well, I can't complain about this heatwave! Feels just like summer!"

"Yup! Time to get my swimsuit and head to the beach!"

God, Brad hated televised news. You'd think they could put something else on in patents' rooms. Didn't hospitalized people have to deal with enough pain already without being forced to watch stupid people stick smiley-face suns on a damn weather map?

"Aaaand speaking of beach travel, let's go to Hideki Mimura for the traffic report. Hideki!"

"Hey, Taki! Traffic's looking pretty steady in the suburbs, but police have set up a six-mile-long road block on the highway and now traffic is piling up like crazy with angry motorists. Our sources tell us that there was a jail break just a half hour ago and now our suspect is fleeing down the highway at 90 miles per hour on a prison-issue bed!"

Brad looked up from his journal and blanched. Where was that remote! …Maybe if he closed his eyes then he could ignore the television and this fucked up reality.

"Authorities are stunned! We haven't seen a bed move this fast since the Quilted Comfort factory explosion of '82! Police warn that the suspect should be considered armed and dangerous! I repeat, armed and dangerous! Helicopters are zooming in now and…let's get a shot of that suspect!"

"GODDAMMIT, NAGI!"

- End Day 17 -


End file.
